変わったの ... 生命。

2009-09-28T00:07:00.002+08:00

Saeng il chu ka hae

Tanjoubi omedetou

生日快乐

Happy Birthday ~!!

itoshii dachi

my last post.

2009-09-19T04:47:00.005+08:00

he no longer exist anymore.
don't bother to call his name.
because what becomes is just what you see he is now.
there is not more friends that the few that remains.
fucking serious.

TK is the last witness of the previous "him",
and also the first witness of who he became.

long ago he said,

"whoever cares for real, will care no matter what,
whoever doesn't, just won't bother to care at all."

Now on, "Friends" are people who prove themselves ENOUGH to convince him they really are.

Loyalty becomes worthless...

2009-09-15T14:47:00.003+08:00

EVERYTIME i set my heart to Love someone,
i've already anticipated hurts, disappointments, heartaches, etc
i'll BE HONEST in telling the pain i go through... to the beloved.

Love DOES NOT fear, if i Love someone, i have to courage-up myself to be honest on my feelings as well..... don't play hide and seek.

disappointments, already i'm READY to take.
i just hope it's not for too long

but DON'T CARE about my words or my feelings..........
i don't want you to 'treat me better' for the sake of
'gratitude' or because you don't want to disappoint me

JUST LET ME TAKE the pain or disappointments.
it's one definite thing anyone has to BEAR if they say they Love.

if you will treat me better, do it...
ONLY if you feel Love for me too.

Otherwise don't bother about my sufferings from Loving you.
LOVE is ONE-WAY...

if it comes back to me from your side,
it's still NOT Two-Ways,
it's YOUR ONE-WAY to me.

so i shall appreciate it for what it is.

doesn't matter how long it is.......
if i Love you for real, it doesn't just give up.

honestly, it hurts all the time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friend ask: "i tot loving someone suppose to be something happy?"

jave replied:

HAPPY because the "cost" was

... PAIN, but rewarded with LOVE
TEARS, rewarded with truthful SMILES
PATIENCE in uncertainty, rewarded with ASSURANCES
IGNORANCE, rewarded with ACKNOWLEDGMENT
and REJECTION, rewarded with ACCEPTANCE

别拿人的好当废草除！？要玩的，就确认自己玩得起！

2009-09-10T15:45:00.004+08:00

reply to YV:

i am NOT the same, sorry.

what made me so angry? LOL!!! ANOTHER "FEW LIES" LO~ what else?!!?!!!

one "friend" borrowed money from me last month
RM300 ... i just simply asked why, and gave him...... i asked, "when return? *smile*"
he say soon, when he get his salary.......
few days after that i met him again, he tell me FEW DAYS MORE and he'll return me the money.
mark that word, HE HIMSELF said FEW DAYS MORE

now over 2 weeks, no news nevermind. last night ask TK call him check. he say later at night call me, NO CALL.
TK call him ask again, then he say he doing things, 'tomorrow' (means today) will call.
hell yeah~ i WAIT, i VERY PATIENT de~ =) i see today he call or not.

then TK last night ask me, "what if he don't call?" ... i say, "1 month, that's all i'll give him."

then silent for loooooooooooooooooooooooong time...... then TK ask... "and what happens after one month?"
i answer, "i'll get people wack him up."

TK laughed, he ask... "you serious ar?"
i answer, "I AM NOT WHO I WAS!!! i don't mind if he tell me you CAN'T PAY, need at least HALF A YEAR, i ALSO CAN GIVE~ NO PROBLEM! ... all i ask for is to be HONEST. he don't go tell me one thing, then do another thing! Now he himself say 'FEW DAYS' will return, i wait TWO WEEK i also haven't count on it... now he say tomorrow call, MAKE SURE he call!"

continued... "if not, i'm MORE THAN KIND to give ONE MONTH. "

TK say... "are you sure you want to do this? it's not like you..."
i answer... "do i still have to be good? what type of friend i was for so many years?! you don't know??!! Now since my last relationship, gf, bestfriend, closest friends, ONE BY ONE NON-STOP turn their backs against me! WHAT DID I DO??! what the fuck is this?!"

TK O__O!! ... kept quiet, then clap hands... laugh and say, "waaaa! john first time say the F word..... good good."

i continued. "so Angel you reject, i don't care don't care also you don't want, so you want the DEMON eh?! YOU GET IT! ...... Kok Tong (a friend i know very long) knows what type of person i am, he KNOWS the kind of enemy i am when i take revenge! that's why when he introduce me to his friend that time he said: john's polite, and very good to be friend with, but just DON'T BE HIS ENEMY."

you think he's joking?! because he is the only friend who knows how heartless i can be when i'm really provoked and exceeded my tolerance limit.

that is also why you may see i'm not those fun fun type guy, cool guy, but still many friends used to follow me around... those who know me more than 7 years DON'T HELL WANT TO MESS WITH ME. they are those who saw the kind of person i was when i fight!

i don't fear the blade, i don't fear blood, i don't fear the pain of being hit by a damn fist!
i TAKE, and i GIVE ONE BACK! and make sure he get it WORSE than me. that's WHO I AM when i fight, AND NOW!!

i don't care if that guy WAS a friend or not, "friend" is a PAST! what remains now is whatever he has to do with me, you OWE me something, you PAY ME BACK if you say so! OTHERWISE don't even say a thing. i don't hell care about the money, RM300 i don't have meh??! but all that matters to me is HONOUR, you SAY SOMETHING, YOU DO IT!!

i only gave him chance because he is joshua's close friend, but don't fucking take people's "good" for granted! unless he really wants to see how i can play with him

the word remains: "a Friend Loves at ALL times, and a brother is born FOR adversity."
by THIS VERSE, i'll see for myself WHO is a friend.
i'm dark, i'm evil, i enjoy seeing pain. can't love that kind of me? then ask that person just fuck off! DON'T EVEN DARE say is my "friend"

or i'll teach him what FRIEND means with my fist! damn it

and don't anyone fucking say "care" or "love", i hear that word again i WON'T TOLERATE!
if care, CARE FOR REAL! LIVE IT WITH ACTIONS THAT PROVES! THAT SHOWS!!! if LOVE, MAKE SURE don't fail to persevere! Or it is all but LIES! LIES!! AND LIES!!!!!

there are people who say "care", care for few months see no improvement on the person they care then don't care that much already........... THIS CALL "CARE"???
OH I SEE~~~

say love how real how strong how true.......... love after a while feel very xinku then GIVE UP, THIS CALL "LOVE"??????!
OH I SEE!!!!

*please NOTE & REMEMBER this if you're my Friend. i how bad mood also, i don't reply in words also, I NEVER EVER "DON'T RESPOND" to MY FRIENDS de. At most is later i will call back if i didn't pick up earlier, or i will sms. if i don't want to talk, i'll let my Friend know i don't feel like talking. But i'll make sure i CONTACT my friend when i'm better. NO POINT talking in bad mood, makes things worse for friend only... that's why sometimes i seem to be just quiet. i NOT LIKE SOME PEOPLE, totally IGNORE & NO-RESPONSE even AFTER FEW DAYS one... like this call "friend" eh??!

yes, i buy a lot recently. today just spent another RM117 for lunch... but BETTER than spending for useless friends who doesn't shit care about how you feel!
isn't it?! i saved NOTHING for myself every month since 2 years ago... all the time spend for friends - presents, gifts, meals, cinema, pool, arcade, cc, travel, WHATEVER!
so why still spend on them?! i will now only spend for MYSELF, my blood-brothers, my family, and a FEW Friends who still remain in good terms with me. THAT's ALL there is to it!

thanks for your patience.

i may have a unyielding, absolute, straight-to-the-point, and CAN-BE cruel heart now... but i still understand what is GRATITUDE, i know RESPECT, i know MANNERS, i know APPRECIATION to whoever remain patient & good to me, and i know HONOUR.

have good day..

*(please pull back from being my friend NOW if you think you can't accept the kind of person i became. Otherwise if you still take me as a Friend, i hope you really do MEAN IT. Thanks...)

jave

my world is sinking...

2009-09-02T12:25:00.006+08:00

Got a group doing filming right behind my office that road!
don't know what movie lehs~
the actress soooooooooooooo pretty! (><)"
很美噢~~~

demo ne~ Akihiro say: “きれいな物には毒がありますね。”
he say pretty pretty de things got POISON de...
true also la... when go clubs see many many lengluis
but how many of them are still virgin de..
so many of them 喜欢喜欢 hug here hug there,
see lengzai then simply let people kiss let people touch...

sien...

prostitutes also, pretty pretty but don't know why go do all that...
money so nice mehs... =s
Everyone has a story, it still doesn't make a reason
for one to throw his/her own dignity!
unless you say the life of your loved one is in danger,
well... i can comment nothing if that's the case lo...

recently my area many filming taking place...
the school opposite my housing area also got.

last night, a girl-friend told me that girls view Love between
bf-gf & Love between girls about the same...
that it is the same kind of Love...
no wonder girls can kiss each other & always hold hands
and still doesn't seem to be awkward...

i can't deny the fact that i'm really disturbed sometimes...
why is it that girls can have many "loves", it's just so, weird.
And they expect themselves to be the ONLY ONE
their bf or husband love... laughs...?

i don't know what to trust or believe in.
whatever picture or beliefs i had were all destroyed...
thought of living life just as it is,
what comes, comes; what goes, goes...
yet why do i still bother to hold myself...
i still can't seem to allow myself into one relationship halfheartedly.

sometimes, i just hate myself for being different...
for what crap do i insist on those principles...
like anyone appreciates it... people cling more to those who
DON'T GIVE A DAMN about being faithful!

What's happening to the world! damn it...

何時も...

2009-08-29T14:47:00.014+08:00

愛しいだち...... 好好照顾自己，要为妈妈坚强。
水要记得喝，胃口再不好也吃一点点好吧…？
随时你需要一点鼓励，和支持的：

この愛しいだちが君を守り続けて為に
何時も君の傍から去らないでしょう。
どこにも行かない......　何時もの約束だ。

３年前から今までと同じ、
僕は君と共にあるんだ。

ほら～　如何なっても、希望を諦めちゃだめよ。
相変わらず強くで生き続けてください...

何時かまた会おう　～

Nickleback - If Everyone Cared

2009-08-25T15:14:00.002+08:00

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars with satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing A-Amen, I, I'm alive (I'm alive)
Singing A-Amen, I, I'm alive

[Chorus:]
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day, when nobody died

And I'm singing
A, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
Would show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

Singing A-Amen, I, I'm alive (I'm alive)
Singing A-Amen, I, I'm alive

[Chorus x2]
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day, when nobody died

When nobody die ...

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody die ...
We'd see the day, we'd see the day,
When nobody die ...
We'd see the day when nobody died

どうしましたか。

2009-08-25T00:54:00.010+08:00

i don't know what happened
somehow i feel i'm no good
that i couldn't keep up with you
that i know nothing about it

even though i try to be concerned
approaching you one day or another
just to ask about your every day
just to hear that you're doing fine

but when you don't wish to talk,
i promised not to force you...
but the way i felt 3 years ago,
today i still feel the same...

anything may happen, and i remain who i was
i know i can't do much, but i do care for real...
because as much as you're true in this Dachifune,
i was, am, and intend to still continue to no end.

forgive me i can do so little as your itoshii dachi
if only i have no worries in life, wealthy & free,
i would have always been there...
always been there... to do more...

i'll shut-up & listen, whenever you feel like sharing it.

the path of a person who Loves is lonely,
it bears a lot, perseveres a lot, waits a lot.
my body is at its limit although it not as late
but because i haven't been sleeping...

my left eye swollen, no good rest, tired...
i wish i could do more... so much more......
but my energy just fails on me!

as much as i am to you and beyond, you're really
my Most Beloved Friend, and always...

ただ一人"itoshii dachi" なんだ。
ほかの人がいない。しっかりして！

強くなるよ！元気になってね～！

Fish Story... =)

2009-08-22T22:14:00.002+08:00

jave:
play fishing need a lot of PATIENCE one you know

partner-fish:
hahaahahaha
i no patient

jave:
then you must find a patient FISH instead. LOL!!!
so patient that the fish will go find your hook

partner-fish:
hahahaha..
i don't find FISH, i oni let FISH find :P

jave:
getting to know guys/girls when we're single is like playing fishing... just that some people go to the highly-populated sea, some go to low-populated one... some don't even fish... they wait fish jump out from sea to land and reach them
LOL! aiks~ i'm such a genius~ xD

partner-fish:
u perasan lah..

jave:
some, they don't care what sea they go, they just throw the hook into the sea, then do their own thing... sometimes got fish bite they also don't know, no fish bite that time pula go check check... then in the end say, "cheh, no fish also~"

partner-fish:
u go write novel le.. LOL

jave:
i think i'm the 2nd last kind... i sit on ground wait fish jump out
xD

partner-fish:
ya meh.. no la
u sit on ground wait while looking for a fish u want.. HAHAHA

jave:
HOW to look for a fish on GROUND? ._.'''
oh i know... go to pasar to find those fish people catch already and want to sell or throw away liao de right?

partner-fish:
yea la
LOL

jave:
aih.. sad la.. no people want until i must take dead fish or not fresh de
LOL xD

partner-fish:
LOL

jave:
this time!!! nevermind, i will be fish this time
i go find hooks xD

partner-fish:
hahahahha.. let ppl catch eh?

jave:
see this fish so PASSIONATE you know
although i passionate fish, but i don't simply let people catch one
i want be like my "dream hero", that is Nemo's father... take all the risk of being catched and risk dying also go find his son..
so i will risk all the nets and hooks to find that ONE hook i'm looking for~
fuiyo~ =x

partner-fish:
LOL hahahah..
hope you'll find the HOOK soon le~
remember to introduce the HOOK owner to your PARTNER fish :P

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

i find the "KEY" first
the ocean VERY big, VERY HARD to find
find liao next time open liao then i go find hook
=)
Or unless i upgrade become fisherman at that time~ then i no need find
xD
做太多好心事了, so i can upgrade. get rewarded with 7 Halos~

partner fish busy talking to another fishie jor~ =(

*swim 1 round, 2 round, glance partner-fish.. haih still busy... swim 3 round, 4 round, GLANCE again.. haih still busy... swim 5 round, 6 round, GLANCE~! HAIH...... continue swim round, round, round, round roouuuund...........*

LOOOOOOOOOLLLL~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!! =D

Chronicles of Kingdom Hearts Romance

2009-08-21T14:50:00.011+08:00

i couldn't believe, i didn't sleep the whole night...
i wrote an sms: "tired.. but can't sleep."
but when i press send, i don't know who to send to.
LOL~ i thought of her, but i didn't want to disturb...

then at 21/8/2009, 05:24 AM, Friday.

pinky sent a message: "halo.."

then i realized my mobile phone is MISSING!!!
searched, searched, and searched... GONE!!!!!

searched, SEARCHED, and searched... almost 06:00 AM.
i decided to call Kee Swan ask him see in his car not...
after 10 minutes call him again, YES!!! it's with him!
hurrayz~ he passed to me EARLY IN THE MORNING..
*applause for HERO* LOL~

then at 06:15 AM

MSN offlined...... immediately after that... pinky sms-ed
sms-ed.. sms-ed.. sms-ed.. sms-ed.... sms-ed...........
sms-ed..... sms-ed.. sms-ed... sms-ed....... sms-ed....
sms-ed.. sms-ed.. sms-ed.. sms-ed.. sms-ed.. sms-ed..
sms-ed......... sms-ed.... sms-ed.. sms-ed...............
sms-ed........... sms-ed.............. sms-ed..............

08:28 AM ... napped few minutes, rushed to wash-up,
change, pack, and OFF TO WORK~

crazy day

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

21/8/2009, 13:28 PM, Friday.

friend:
jus finish ur blog..ur partner-chan, not bad o...dao dao u got alot of partner

jave:
(=_=)!! ......
i only got ONE partner
ONE itoshii dachi
ONE *bestfriend* (RIP already)
ONE beloved blood-brother, Ken
ONE most sayang blood-brother, Joe
ONE true god-sister, Mandy
some Friends
many strangers

friend:
RIP LOL..so funny...

jave:
aih, it's UNFORTUNATE~ that he R.I.P. already

friend:
AHAHAHAHA.... dao dao...u ah..funny guy...

jave:
RIP = rest in peace ; also can mean "rise in power" ; also can mean "random intimacy phobia" ; also can mean "rapist in prison" ; also can mean "running interesting plots" ; etc

friend:
But i got one bro... which sayang me alot..

jave:
i'm sorry i can't be.. but i am to Mandy when she needs xD
so sayang your sister, means sayang you HALF also lo

friend:
WHY sayang me half?!

jave:
i'm a genius owh baybehz~
you are sister with mandy ma
means HALF only lo, you NOT mandy ma
see mandy and vicky BOTH also got "ee" at the back
but Man and Vick different
so means HALF =D
smart ham~
Mandy is my god-sis, you is my Friend lo

friend:
LOL ya ur friend..and saYAng me half..LOL

jave:
actually not half ar
half also don't have
i think quarter also maybe don't have

friend:
dint sayANg me pun LOL

jave:
because my heart don't know why cannot open already
the Lock spoil liao lahs
must go repair first...
so .... only 2 person punya Love mission left locked inside
others all evacuated during the last "crisis" ... see i so good, i evacuate you all first =x

friend:
hahaha...when u repair...rmb to have a key...dont lost it o... if not it will never open

jave:
flower wither, no water =(

friend:
then i make sure it wil bloom one day

jave:
but at least hor, you all still got a QUARTER left you know
haih....

now the storage LOW in supply la~ mou ban fatt lo.... when a kingdom falls in times of "crisis" memang like that one right?
so you must bear a bit...... if you all cannot bear want leave the kingdom for a better one also can~
=)
i'm a GOOD king~ ^^ , i no let my people suffer *perasan*
hahaha

friend:
I understand that..coz..i have been thru it...and tht time no one is wit me...

jave:
i call people show you all who want to leave the way to the best Kingdom.
there you will not lack... the supply is Eternity, the Prosperity cannot be compared~

i suppose i've put more blood into Loving friend and lover than many did.. for that amount of blood-lost, and yet stricken by TWO of my (apart from my family) MOST Loved & MOST trusted people at the same time, from the same direction..

supply already not enough, some-more must let people from INSIDE destroy... then burn my kingdom...

fire fire fire... screams screams screams... shouts shouts shouts...
until nothing was left... only ashes of every pieces burned...

i fell unconscious... mind was too weak to think... because blood lost was too severe.

For the lot of blood i used to offer, what exchanged in return was a body full of cuts, so deep that it cannot remain the way it once looked like

that body is dead... that heart beats no more. i looked at the ruin of my kingdom, my worry was only the lacking supplies for the remaining citizens...

it was a hard decision i have to make. if i keep them, we all die... so i have to evacuate them from the city, and re-locate them at the country-side where lands are nourished by Nature itself... i let them be, because i couldn't even help myself.

So i sent out a messenger to tell the word: "Whoever wishes to stay may stay, but bear with the lack of supplies ; whoever wishes to leave may leave, for there are better lands to go."

the message was simple, but how many understood? For some left quietly, some left with grievance , and yet some left with words of despise.

so i decided to cover the city with a transparent protective wrapper, i thought it would need it...
it fended off some riots, can't blame them, it is a time of "crisis"...
however some just managed to penetrate through the protective wrapper, aimed straight into the city's center, and STAB! STAB! STAB!

now the one who tried to hide inside in his shame, is left bleeding without aid... it continues to bleed... continues to weaken...

how long more, until he finishes his last suppplies? When will help come?

he waits... as he continue to bleed.
=D

THE END~ *clap hands*

friend:
help will come with own heart that is strong..
* applause* very nice touching story

jave:
LOL the way i talk xD
when it comes to FULL expression of every detail
but all still remain symbolistic

friend:
*cries* touch touch... LOL yes... but it's a good one.

jave:
city is the heart
riots are "hurting words from friends"
xD

friend:
True frenz ...hurts u when it comes to truth, fake frenz..talk sweet words..u choose?

jave:
for every wound, there's a certain limit to its opening... some heals on its own, some heals but over a period of time, but some are too wide open that EXTERNAL AID / SURGERY is required or it will not be able to close-up on its own.

Truth of course... but that's just on the "words" only... however the BASIS of "words" is different
the BASIS of words spoken comes from the perception and judgment made individually...

if one has only searched but a small path within a jungle, he cannot draw a full map of it, and thus cannot represent claims of the undiscovered paths; however there are some who always claim more than what they've realized.

without knowing what the consequences of one small action can bring... like a cigarette discarded at a path that has yet to be searched but claimed to be known, however tragically it happens to be a ground of dry leaves so it burns

and soon before anyone realizes it, a Forest Fire is taking place. Eventually the trackers who intend to search and draw a map of the jungle so that the "lost" may find their way, instead destroyed the whole jungle in one irresponsible & unthoughtful act of careless pride.

friend:
hehehe.... true also

jave:
i got some friends ask me go write book
LOL many times already... just not my interest

friend:
i just feel that...this heart of urs...needs time...and a strong heart...If GOD put u to it, he will pull u through it...

jave:
i'll try to hold onto that String =)

friend:
haha yes..u can write a bOOK....d..must be interesting u know

jave:
ya mehs
people will all be wondering
what kind of Kingdom Romance is this
LOL the story of "Kingdom Hearts Romance"

friend:
HEy i like kIngdom hearts romance
that sounds nice
LOL

jave:
ok... "Chronicles of Kingdom Hearts Romance"
LOL~

PaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaRTNERs bliss~

2009-08-20T22:37:00.011+08:00

she said,

"My dear partner, What happened to you? I just finish reading your blog.. Well, if you really don't feel like saying it it's fine. (: But if you need to express anything don't hesitate to find me kay. =) i'm not good in consoling but at least i'm good in listening."

T-T~ thank youuuuuuuuuuuu........ my beloved partner-chan~ xD

i'll find the key, give me few years okay..
i hope i don't have to take that long.. LOL!
but i cannot force my way through~
i got ANTI-SOCIAL-WANNABE but "currently" social 的 friend~!! =D

so FaaarrNie~ xD

like i said, i'll help you smile.. (see below)

see i'm so good to you RIGHT~ i make you smile
=D

so my theory is correct, i HELP you simle first, then you make me smile because i successfully help you smile. so in the end, i make you smile!

LOL! what kind of theory is it... hahaha...

i want to hope, but not now..
let's SMILE~ =D

half a year already and people are still expecting me to be who i was!

2009-08-20T00:46:00.007+08:00

i really don't want to blog,
i don't know why am i staying up this late,
i had a happy night, really...
but once i'm home and up online,
it gradually gets so miserable...

WHY can't people just let me be like anyone else?!
because i'm not like the "normal" people you all know?
i have my problems, i have my shits, and i CAN GET TIRED!!
JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE!!!

why must everyone make me talk when i DON'T WANT TO??!

so "girlfriend" and some "friends" left me
but i don't want to say WHO, and i don't want to talk about it!
do i look like that kind of person who want everyone to have bad impression on whoever hurt/ill-treated me??
why keep asking!
i was patient enough to respond to you more than dozens of your questions...
i said i don't want to talk! Can let me be for this time being?!

ya, i'm hell of a childish brat! 24 but stupid!!

friend: i feel like slapping you

slap all you want la!!
i'm doing my own business
patching my own path
i'm disappointed with love & friendship

but i won't throw the honour i have for my Friends
i have a few Friends that DEPEND on me now,
EVERY little action and decision i make influence their future
i'm NOT going to just let myself laze around and disappoint them

i'm just OUT of love
i don't hell want to care about it
i don't want to know about it
i want no shits with it
NOT NOW!
i have been dripping my blood and time in it for long enough

i have loved some people perhaps more than what most would have done
i'm not taking credit, but because i always refused credit doesn't mean i have none
but now i'm darn tired
i don't want to be bothered about love & friendship

but i'm not cruel as before to utterly let go of EVERYONE
so i've set my heart to Love but only TWO person
the rest i can't be bothered more...

you all know what kind of friend i've always been for years!
but now i'm tired, can't i rest a bit?
can't i retreat a bit?? can't i just run away for a while???

so i said, anyone who can accepts ACCEPTS,
anyone who dislike the change, JUST LEAVE!

i don't want to talk! and i don't want to hear more!! CAN???

today i very happy =)

2009-08-19T13:05:00.007+08:00

[16 August 2009] 写

…… 心声 ……

朋友问： “假如可以重新开始？”，
我宁愿只当你的朋友，
也不要接受："我喜欢你"，
这样我们还可以好好的做朋友，
不成情人，也不需要成为陌生人。
现在距离却是好远... 好远...

我没有渴望你能给我多少你的爱，
我没有乞求你能给我多安定的情，
我要的只是..
你偶尔可以想想我..
偶尔可以抱抱我..
偶尔让我知道你是在乎我的..

因为爱你，所以放手还你自由..
因为爱你，所以不再让你困扰..
因为爱你，所以担起所有的痛..
因为爱你，所以我逼自己放开..

爸爸说，“男人经得起，放得下。”

又说： “要记得，男人流血，不流泪。”

我软弱，我流泪，我心碎…

你的 “爱”，说得很容易，放得也容易…
“真心”，在那里？
我难以相信，你当初说的全都是谎。
也难以相信全都是 “空”。

夜晚的一个人是孤独的，
尤其是想有伴的时候，
知道你为了他离我而去了，
即使多想人陪，
多渴望被爱，
多想念过去，
我依然要独自面对这没有你的寂寞夜晚..

我曾经堕落，曾经无情，曾经拥有冷漠残忍之心。
因为心碎了，很怕… 很怕再受伤，很怕再流血…

是否我沉默了你才能听到我的心声？
是否我停止了你才能看到我的眼泪？
是否我心碎了你才会摸到我的心痛？
是否我消失了你才知道我的存在？

如果有一天..
你走进我的心里你一定会哭泣，
因为里面装满了你的点点滴滴..
如果有一天，
我走进你的心里我一定会哭泣，
因为在里面找不到我的身影..

因为你，我打开心房..
因为你，我給了彼此一個机会..
因为你，我重新相信..
因为你，我有被疼愛的感觉..
也因为你，我再度掉下眼淚..

用尽一生的爱，换来一身的伤..
有时即是无奈，人生充满悲哀..
痛苦紧跟着来，欢喜却不到来..
还要多少失败？如何相信未来..
如今再度明白，爱一个人好难...

香烟爱上火柴就注定被伤害..
不要轻易说爱，许下的承诺就是欠下的债..
老鼠对猫说我爱你，猫说你走开，老鼠流泪走开..
谁也没看见老鼠走后，猫也流了一滴泪..
其实有一种爱叫做放弃..
一只风筝一辈子只会为一根线冒险..

听说女人善变的脸，男人善变的是心..
男人善变的能与物，女人善变的… 也是心。

在爱的世界里没有谁对不起谁，
只有谁不懂得珍惜谁..

爱一个人，那么难吗？
爱不需要复杂，只需要多真心一点。
我只是需要你的真心，
在乎我，想念我，确认我，拥抱我…

我不让我自己容易进入感情，
因为我不想要给一个不完整的爱。
我不要伤害一个爱我的女生，
如果我心鼓不起勇气去认真的爱。

[ 爱 ]

[你不爱的人爱你]
-那是一种烦恼
[你爱的人也爱你]
-那是一种幸福
[你爱的人不爱你]
-那是一种痛苦
[你爱的人爱上别人]
-那是一种心痛
[对的时间遇上对的人]
-那是一种缘分
[错的时间遇上对的人]
-那是一种遗憾
[来不及说爱给自己爱的人]
-那是一种错过

[人生中有许多种爱，但千万别让爱成为一种伤害]

不能够持续的，不叫做 “爱”，
只能够说 “爱过” ……

我对于爱的认识，就是：
“爱是永不止息。” - 哥林多前 13：8a

你给得我吗？别骗别人，又骗自己…

what more can i say?

2009-08-18T02:17:00.011+08:00

- S U M M A R Y -

chingu:
do you still contact Cheryl?

jave:
i didn't call her after a few tries, she didn't pick up. So you're still concerned.

chingu:
i thought she's close to you.

jave:
she was close with you too...

chingu:
not really... why pple think we are close is becos
we talk alot.
but.. wad we talk
is only GazettE
nothing more

jave:
well yea~ so... then you still asked me about Cheryl?

chingu:
cos...

jave:
you could be JUST a little concerned, no?

chingu:
no ne... i dno hw to explain

jave:
aaa~ i know.. concerned for itoshii dachi~ LOL!
wow, perasan! xD

chingu:
is like......
xD
concern is will concern ne =D

jave:
anyway... i understand. that kind of feeling i had...

chingu:
is not concern. Curious?

jave:
yea, more of curious... but partially concerned about the Friend in between...
in your case, you feel i'm IN BETWEEN you and Cheryl
so if cheryl and me still contact each other, you're just curious to know what's our current relation... and partly applies to our relationship.. =/
i think that's what it is.. may be wrong

chingu:
truthfully speaking ne
got once
not sure if you still rmb
got once when i just introduced you to Cheryl
i fell out with you
xD

jave:
fell out?
what mean?
o_O

chingu:
argued
but on my side oni
im the one arguing and flaring up
=x

jave:
argued because of Cheryl?

chingu:
cos at that time
Cheryl is a girl who is
very good at
talking to guys
so i was afraid
that my best fren at that time
will get snatched away
thats why i rather end the friendship at that time before things goes bad

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

i understand..... actually... i didn't even notice such a thing because.... i know all the while i Love you the most.

i don't have to mention who you are... because those with brains know. Not like i hid anything.

i'll take better care of myself. Thank you for always reminding...

jave

they can tell this much with just a few questions... hahaha!

2009-08-16T03:46:00.003+08:00

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Love Style

Here is the analysis:

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the women that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a girl doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

Here is the analysis:

Kind and Gentle

Your kindness is your charm - you are also gentle and sweet. Everybody likes to be around people with your personality. Like a psychologist, people like to talk to you to discuss their problems because you are proper and discrete, as well as confident. You look mature and people respect you. People with this kind of character are few and far between.

You value your friendships: 50%

You value your friendships quite a lot but you don't like to show your feelings to others. You would rather keep your feelings to yourself than share them with your friends. You might get a pleasant surprise if you are more open about caring for people - they will probably let you know that you're special to them, too.

LOL~ my value of friendship dropped this much... haha! =D

i may fail my promises, if i give it to many... but ONE promise is not too hard to believe in myself that i CAN hold...?

2009-08-14T14:21:00.008+08:00

i'm sorry i've mentioned "Love" to you on and off
didn't notice that you have a hard time with that word...
i thought i've always been speaking of the Love i know
assuring myself and people around me of that one Love that never fades
the one that you wish to believe in...

but only now that i realise i've been so weak
ever since i came back from New York
that i no longer live up that Love
and i no longer give hope to my friends
especially you, on whom i pledged my first greatest mission
a mission to fulfill the truth of Love i've always believed in:

"Love NEVER fails." - 1 Corinthians 13:8a

so it must not cease no matter what, once ceased, it's "Loved".

your blog post made me think back... actually...
the reason i didn't gave up knowing you 3 years ago,
despite those times you didn't respond and a few harsh times
was all because of the Love that i once held.
i thought to myself, if i give up on knowing this girl
i'll just end up with NOTHING worthwhile in my life
because not even one Love i hold actually lasts if i were to give up.

but it seems that i've forgot the very meaning of that Love i once held...
because i don't seem to live up to that. i'm very sorry... very sorry......

it was you who fired-up my will to fulfill truth of Love i believe in
back then you seemed very devastated, as if you cannot hope anymore...
because i just can't stand seeing someone losing SO MUCH hope
when i believe & know of a Love that lasts, from God who Loves me

so i pledge myself for this ONE promise: to bear ignorance, to bear insults
to bear pain, to bear shame, and to bear sorrows, to prove Love
that "she" may hope & believe again...
it wasn't me who uplifted her though, it was "Rei"... but i was glad.
but if you're gonna lose hope again, now i know i'm very weak...

I WILL BE STRONG, I WILL.

愛しいだち、ありがとうございました。

2009-08-12T16:18:00.012+08:00

"veryvery long", sounds like it's going to end, 'someday'. xD

it may just SEEM useless on the outside, but you've been more than what you are in your usual world. Let's not talk about "recently"... haha...

how often do you sms me? so i know in heart whatever you wrote in it, were words from deep inside your heart; just as always, your true feelings.

i'm honoured. (^^)"
we started with me naming you as 特別な友達 long time ago... Thank you, that you feel the same.

why did you bracket the word "student"? because i don't like it? hahaha! you never failed, instead you were the best. you did well enough just after 3 months...
yahs, i can see SOME ひらがな and カタカナ flying towards me! *ouch!* something hit me!! OH, IT'S KANJI!!!

LOL~

me is glad that Shizuyuu felt so,
but to say "too many" positive stuffs, that won't be true.
i don't doubt our dachifune, ever since it started to bloom flowers like sakura's, tsubaki's, and many many more last year. =x

haha... ok, i'll do better not to doubt myself.

i'll repeat something i wrote before,

until now it's itoshii dachi that gave me the kind of secured feeling, that i can really put my faith in her. because she don't get easy with everyone, she carefully chooses her Friends, she draws her lines, and she doesn't simply get close to guys. so when she says i'm dear to her, i can be no less assured that i REALLY am.

as much as itoshii dachi cherishes this Dachifune, ugly-bug has always cherished as much. =D

arigatou...
nomu bogo shipo~

na nen no hanteh sarang handago mal hago shipo... itsumo ne~
nol na hanteh jungyou hae...
itsumo kimi wo omoi tsuzukete iru.

anyway, good-go in living 'healthy'
=D

pa-i-ting! pa-i-ting!! xD

remember it well...

2009-08-08T00:54:00.006+08:00

it Takes a second to say "i love you", but a Lifetime to show it.

i'm very tired.

2009-08-08T00:37:00.007+08:00

i have had enough "whys"...

i'm stressed; just BUY damn it BUY!

Oh My God! i can't believe it, it's so simple and he couldn't understand!
LOL~

don't wake me... i want to sleep...

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met.

i'm going to Ipoh..

how are you?

2009-08-04T01:41:00.004+08:00

i'm sorry Evaline...

my last conscious as a Friend

2009-08-02T19:46:00.005+08:00

he was there with her & her family yesterday. i avoided seeing her as she did. but the matter was never about her, it's about him...

he sms-ed me early this week, asked me if i am free on Saturday night. i asked him, "why?". he say go dinner... in the sms, he called me, "bro"... LOL???! AFTER ALL THIS??!?!?!! damn fake! hahaha?! DAMN FAKE!! i just can't believe how fake can he be to me, i knew him for 19 years damn it!

2am last night, i wanted to text him, "so did you sms-ed me because you knew you're going to see me tonight? so to act as if you cared?" ... but i deleted my words and headed to sleep.

ALL THESE YEARS it was ME who contacted him! although it was called a MUTUAL "best-Friendship" heh???! when we're gone outstation or overseas and haven't got to meet for months, he NEVER once did contacted me!! NEVER ONCE!!! and i thought, it's JUST NATURAL that i should take the initiative to maintain a Friendship, and what happens??!?! it doesn't seem like he cared about our Friendship like i did??? When he could just throw the Friendship for his OWN GAINS and act as if nothing happened, not to mention if he even felt a bit of guilt or not!

so it's ME who's angry. it's ME who got fustrated. it's ME who got crazy. it's ME who lost control, it's ME who has a problem, it's ME who acted as if the world is falling apart! and HE is so FINE & HAPPY & well-0ff he just doesn't seem to be affected by the break of our Friendship!

Now why i got all depressed about my Friends not contacting me in MOST of my Friendships?! BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I & HIM ENDED!!! could NO ONE understand that i really feel lonely in me??? could NO ONE have cared more? WHO among my Friends CARE???! WHO??!?! i don't even know HOW MANY times i've said SORRY to my Friends telling them that i'm weak, i'm afraid, i lost my confidence... but as if that makes a change in my Friendships? EXCEPT for one, TAN KEE SWAN.

Tell me, when you LOVE someone, say your bf or gf, and he/she is troubled. What would you do??? would you just listen about the story, know about it, and then do NOTHING??? is that what you call Love??? is that the "distance" you'll run for someone you so-call Love??? HOW FAR WILL YOU GO for someone you Love??! it's the "distance" you'll run that measures the Depth & Truth of your Love. if you don't Love me, you don't have to lie to me!!

i've always wondered, HOW SHOULD I ACTUALLY BELIEVE, when my friends claim that they "Love" me?? i don't understand, when those are just words without actions that shows... Over the years such thing never bothered me, i thought my friends cared even though i was always the active one doing keeping-in-touch; but when my friends have friends that they contact, why wasn't i in their list? i couldn't help thinking it's like that, after all happened between him & me.

sometimes when i think back, 19 years really seem to mean nothing...? of all those times we've been "best" together, and ran through some "rains" in the process, and he can really easily say good-bye to a Friendship 19 years old and now came back to say "hi" as if NOTHING happened? he wouldn't even make a time to at least feel that he actually hurt his "best-Friend".

2 nights ago, i told TK, and i remember my words. This will be my last day being a Friend like i've always been. Since nothing seemed worthwhile, i could bother less what type of friend am i to people... it's not like i have more worthwhile Friends/lover for taking Friendships & Relationships seriously & cherishing them with all that i have, you people were WITNESS to the kind of Friend i've always been! Perhaps some who didn't cherish their friendships as much as i did also have Friends who cared for them so much more. So why do i care... if doing more or less brings about the same results.

my heart's crushed enough to become a person not who i was. if you hate the change, just leave.

i'm tired... disappointed... hurt... wordless...

in reply to your question, "human"...

2009-07-31T15:06:00.005+08:00

human:
will you consider the "someone" as a gf-to-be? the one she didn't know ur heart was "empty"??

jave:
[as i have replied partly on Cbox] GF-to-be is not determined. it can be any girl isn't it? but it takes 2 person to Love each other in such way to have a chance to be bf-gf.. Currently no one. (this is the truth) So any girl i know in person may be, but like i said, it takes 2 person to feel the same way.

but consider this as well, if all girl-Friends of mine whom i'm close to also end-up with one guy-Friend from my click, INTRODUCED BY ME somemore, i can't help but feel that i'm such a sore-loser. Because when they get together, it's not like i'm going to be as close with that girl-Friend anymore; there must be some distance as much as i respect my Friend's courtship with her. Or you do expect me to couple up with some random girl i don't really know? Since all others are "taken" by my guy-Friends...?

And as i said, if ALL girl-Friends of mine are to end-up courting with guy-Friends from my click, then who else is left to me in the end? i'll make a light illustration below:

situation A:

me <-----> X-girl <-----> Z-guy

if X-girl get into a couple-relationship with Z-guy, that's none of my business, because i don't know Z-guy. Or even if i know him, but my relationship with X-girl is personal, as his is with her; i didn't get to know X-girl THROUGH him, nor did he get to know X-girl THROUGH me.

situation B:

guy-Friend <---> me <=====> X-girl , then becomes

guy-Friend <-----> X-girl <-----> me

This is what i'm talking about. my guy-Friend get to know X-girl THROUGH me, but later OVERRIDES my relationship with X-girl and formed one of their own pushing my closeness with X-girl aside.

even if they don't end-up coupling, and i did, so what? it feels funny... because my guy-Friend became so close to her, and perhaps closer to her than i am, and i became her bf, bla bla bla... you know that sort of feeling? how would you feel? then want talk to Friend that time act nothing awkward even when it feels kind of weird...? o_O

it's all messed up. i just don't want the same thing to happen again, it broke 3 Friendships of over 17 donkey years! and broke my relationship with my ex!!! that's why i said i will WALK OFF if same thing is going to happen again.

if i even had a chance with one of that girl-Friends of mine, come MAKE me know about your feelings and pull me to you because I DON'T KNOW a thing! otherwise, just go on with any guy. if it must be one from my click, FINE~ i'm walking off, that's all i need to do. i don't want to end up having worse feelings with my Friend.

i'm already afraid, i'm sorry.

BUT... i read your message a second time, IN CASE you are asking me about my feelings for her IN THE FUTURE, well i seriously don't know. It may develop, it may not...? all i know is that i have positive feelings for now, but impression will of course influence it to go up or down. It just bothered me that "human" sounded like some guy who's INTERESTED in that someone and asking me so to see if he will have a "competitor" whether presently or the future... but i gave you my answer anyhow, truthfully.

i in return request that you identify yourself, please.

jave

爱不起。一个人能活得更好。

2009-07-31T01:05:00.009+08:00

to Sharon,

i really don't know how else should i put in words, everything that i want to say. i feel the burden, it's really heavy on me... but thank you for being a Friend all these years. For showing me that you care when everyone else (except a FEW) doesn't, i really appreciate your being around this 2 days... and i just logged into Friendster last night, i saw that message of yours where you wrote that whether am i a fish or octopus to anyone, i'm your Friend. First time ever in my life i felt touched by the words of a Friend. unfortunately, i've always been a giver, yet you've made me felt like a receiver in our Friendship. i really want to say Thanks, really... but feel like even if i say it a thousand times also not enough to express the kind of feeling you gave me. Anyway, THANK YOU SOOOOOOOO MUCH, i actually feel better with you around when i'm pressured by the burdens. You are my Friend, a beloved one, one that i deeply appreciates. bestfriend, partner or itoshii dachi, doesn't mean they're more important than other Friends, although they mean a lot to me than most. Like i said, every experience with a Friend is different from other Friends.. cannot compare. but just as different people play different daily role, so they mean different to me.

Try dying, i'll throw everything on hand and get to you. =x
LOL~ but really...
i Love my Friend with the life that i have, if i call someone a Friend, i have to treat that person with heart.
=)

i understand your clarification, here's mine:

Aquaintances -
people i may see usually but don't know in person, don't even talk

friends -
people i know in person better, do talk, can get close, but don't hope on them

Friends -
people i know well, trust, showed me their truthfulness in Friendship, will be around in my worst times.

bestfriend -
only one person, whom i know REAL long and closer and more honest to than any other Friends. (now no more, and i won't have a new one)

partner -
one person. with a Promise. a person who shares both good & bad, both light & heavy. has mutual trust, mutual Love, mutual faith. a TWO-WAY relationship where we share joy & burdens, and uphold each other.

itoshii dachi -
only one, Ruby. everyone who knows her & knows me knows about it. Ruby is jave's itoshii dachi, jave is Ruby's itoshii dachi.

(itoshii dachi is japanese, it means "beloved Friend", because the japanese "itoshii" expresses the kind of "dear" that is very heartful & deep, so basically we mean "most beloved Friend")

HAPPY ENDING. LOL~

******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* *******

i said before, that i'll walk off if similar things like what happened back then early this year are seemingly happening again. i'm afraid it is, haven't i lost enough Friends? is this going to happen again...

i really wonder, why is it that every girl-Friend that i'm closer to, my other guy-Friends always tend to step-in, build their own relationship with them, even to the extent of overriding the relationship i'm having with my girl-Friends. Am i a match-maker or what??! the worst of all is, when some of them match-up, in the end i don't seem to match for myself. And someone just mentioned that she didn't know my heart was "empty" LOL!

When i know a girl-friend THROUGH a guy-friend, i NEVER get closer to her than my guy-friend is. Unless she is the one that approached me for a deeper Friendship, or that my guy-friend is quite surface with her. Getting to know girls is kind of a great & pleasurable thing for guys eh? but i'm NOT a play-boy. i don't get to know girls just so that i get a chance with them! or to get closer with them than the guy-friends who introduced me to them are, it is as if i do not respect my Friend's relationship with the girl-friends. However, every other guy is like fighting for a place in my girl-friend's heart, those i'm closer with. Ain't there plenty of other girls out there???! be Friends can, but can don't try to override my closeness with my girl-friends? Because someday if i match-up with her or that you match-up with her or any other guy from our click match-up with her, it just feel weird among us guy-Friends (especially when a few of us develop feelings for the same girl like what happened many months back)! THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER PRETTY GIRLS OUT THERE, HELLO??!?!?!! uffs... =s

until now it's itoshii dachi that gave me the kind of secured feeling, that i can really put my faith in her. because she don't get easy with everyone, she carefully chooses her Friends, she draws her lines, and she doesn't simply get close to guys. so when she says i'm dear to her, i can be no less assured that i REALLY am.

Whatever, i'm making myself sound stupid.. because everyone else doesn't think the way i do, right? hah! i'm an ALIEN, as always...

chalja,
jave

How you handle your relationships determines how much you value a person.

2009-07-28T23:52:00.025+08:00

"do not leave someone for something, always leave something for someone."

Would you TRY "fit" someone into your schedule, in between the time you're schedule-ly free? or will you put aside your schedule for someone? They end up about the same thing, but the difference is perspective, and it means a lot to the foundation of any relationship.

If i find a time in within my "schedule" to fit someone in, apparently that person doesn't seem to be very important... isn't it?

Long before, i've always tried to make time for everyone, but i came to realise that i ain't superman; we may try to make time for people, but we should have a few whom we call dear to ourselves and offer them more attention than most... Or we can end up being rather surface with everyone because we're "sociable" but hardly have any truly "dear ones".

Sometimes, it's natural that people tend to feel unattached when they're with us, when if we have too many people around us that we doesn't seem to have that initiative to make a time for a certain few people. And then people get the kind of impression that they're just decorations in our lives, because they don't seem to really mean much to us enough to get a portion of our heart; when it's shared by too many, it lost its value.

Human is one type of being that cannot live alone, some may deny it, but no one in this world lives without seeing other human being even if they do not talk.

We ought to Love fair, but we're not God who has the power to reach EVERYONE, that's why we are given families... so that we learn to offer attention & Love to those who're near us, those we call DEAR to our hearts, and "dears" shouldn't be too many, or it will lose the worth of its meaning.

everyone knows there's only one person i call "itoshii dachi", and everyone respects our Friendship as the way it's defined, so there's a line drawn, i hide nothing and made it clear to everyone i call a Friend. As it is, i have only a few i call "beloved brother/sister", everyone who knows respects our relationship as the way they're defined, another line drawn. Everyone knows too that i have a Friend whom i do not call by anything but the one who knows me better than anyone in most aspects, Joshua. And there's only one whom i formed a "partnership" with, starting to know each other more as i put my heart into learning it. i do not hide about the way i treat each and every relationship, everyone see for themselves.

Yet, there's no measure for relationships, every one of those mentioned above shares a unique individual Friendship with me because whatever we experience together in one relationship is different from what we experience with the other. But even as i defines each "dear" Friendship in its individually unique way, Friends know that i'll even put aside my dear ones when there happens to be someone who lacks Love & can use some help. it's not that i Love these people more, just i feel that my Friends already have my Love in the usual, and i will not keep it from those who lack, but that doesn't make these people "dear" to me, my Friends remain to me as who they are to me. i believe my actions from time to time & the way i live-out expressed the truth of my word, and shall continue...

people recognize what kind of Friend or Lover we are, from the way we handle our relationships --- are we trustworthy? loyal?? playboy/playgirl?? reliable?? responsible?? etc...

Anyway, i hope we keep in mind, again:

"Do not leave someone for something, always leave something for someone."

i'm ugly-bug =D

2009-07-28T05:48:00.004+08:00

busy days ended last night, i was supposed to rest after so many days of only 3-5 hour sleep, but i stayed up whole night...

~~~~~~

you just completely changed your story on me.
but i think you let a tiny bit of honesty show through.
running away and blaming someone else isn't gonna get you anywhere.
anyways, i'm sorry...

i want to know what Love & Friendship mean!
someday you'll bust the lock on my heart.
the door to my heart is closed up tight,
waiting for you to knock...

i don't need anything else, i just want to believe in tomorrow.

~~~~~~~

well, off to training.

Promises are meant to be kept

2009-07-28T02:26:00.003+08:00

i'm not a great guy, but to you i keep my words.

Are the words untrue? yet... i've decided to keep my faith.

2009-07-27T17:12:00.020+08:00

she really did went out. haha... Now i don't know what's true...
say, after her birthday this year, will she really stop as she said
she intends to? ............ i feel... deep in thoughts, but blank in
mind; i don't have much in mind. Just, feeling really deep, quite
heavy... even so, i've decided to keep my faith in her. Just as i
did for her. i cannot judge a person without really knowing.

currently listening to Memory from Okuribito, by Joe Hisaishi.
TOTTEMO suteki na ongaku da~

i'm glad, that everytime i feel a little cold, when i feel i'm all alone,
and when i feel unwanted, unappreciated, disliked... it has been 1
same person who appeared in my mind, gave me much comfort &
courage... all because this someone has always encourage me of
the little good i have, although we couldn't always meet or talk...

what proved this heart true are the times we upheld each other,
that it never leave the other alone, doing the best to make it for
the other in expressing herself. Over and over again she tells me
to "take care" of myself, always, whether or not i do it. Even for
quite long i've not seen her or talked to her, her words of care &
concerns are often reminded. And she said she'll be around even
if she can't do much, i believed, and it wasn't a lie or just a say.

she keeps her pride, draws her line, and strives to improve.
for a girl, she has my salute for her perseverance in character...

Thank You

To everyone else:

If you Love someone, you've got to prove it! Don't just say things like it is but act & live-out something else. Trust cannot be demanded neither can it be expected, it is gained through fulfilling the truth of the words spoken from your very own mouth. If you Love me as in a couple-relationship (i know someone does), i can only believe it's true if you show that it REALLY is... i'm sorry but it's really not easy taking things by faith alone. Only 2 person i've insisted my faith on, and it really hasn't been easy. One proved my faith right though...

To someone else:
say you have had many relationships, and you just can't match-up with them.. but all your relationships last only months to a year or two, HOW LONG will you be with me then?? you can see relationships as something like this, but i intend to see my gf as my one & only. And you do not have a firm character that gives me a sense of security, that i'll also be your one & only, that you'll Love me by your life (proven through continuous actions & time), not just words.. sometimes i see you get so close with other guys, that you allow them to put their hands over you, kiss you on the cheek and you KISS THEM BACK! and you stood up on the table and dance in front of everyone, in that kind of clothing???
yea although you may not have "done it" with them, or that you never allowed them to touch you intimately, but for me that's quite close enough. So any so called "close friends" can kiss each other, LOL i see... NOT MY STYLE. Maybe you don't know why guys hate it (if you're to be considered as their girlfriend-to-be), because it gives the impression that you're cheap, easy to play with!! honestly if you get along with the wrong guy, they could just take you as a TOY for their own liking, but bluff you with SWEET words. How many guys can really appreciate a girlfriend who appears to be "cheap", when they feel their own value is so low that you can just play around with any other guy friends so closely...? There's NO security.

it shows that you do not even know how to Love yourself enough to keep your intimacy for your boyfriend-to-be.

WHAT VALUE AM I TO YOU???

i really don't know how to believe when you say that you Love me... while i feel i'm no much different from the guys you so called 'friends'.

There are just some things you cannot "push" you know...?

2009-07-24T03:14:00.007+08:00

i can't believe how stupid i am...
again and again, i don't really learn, do i?

she has quite an open personality, outgoing too,
she really try to live with the offsets and smile...
but i just notice some of the deepest pain that
she keeps in her heart all the time.

She talks them out as if it only matters of a time,
but because probably no one ever offered a good
medicine for that long un-nurtured heart, just like
no one gave water to a dying plant...

is that how it is?

i got him a cab, "Sunpeng" he said, i waited with
him, only a cab knew where is that place.

KL is not so big, but i feel like i know nothing...
just got back to the hotel about an hour or so,
tomorrow's a hard day, but i'll finally get an early
rest...

she told me she has to study, i said she'll be out
eventually... i can't say for sure, but because it
is what i notice most of the time... there's often
the "After-party" right?

See i'm not a "party" person, nor do i support so.
But if that's her current life, just as the way i've
always been, i offer my Friendship. That Tee you
received 2 nights ago...? i'm not saying i support
such lifestyle, but a Friend Loves at ALL times...
furthermore, you're my pa-tona-, as we agreed..

even as i do not offer my support, doesn't mean
i despise. you're beloved & dear to me, as how i
see our relationship is... i just hope you will take
a little more care for yourself, always remember
to Love yourself. i know you do, just, sometimes
you're really treating yourself badly.

to be honest, there're actually times i felt really
nervous... it's a fear of seeing someone dear to
me get hurt. Sometimes, it's because of fear of
someone going away... fear of not being able to
protect, to guard, to Love, that someone who's
dear to me. great... what a loser (i am)...

anyway i have some plans, plans that not even
the closest people to me know about... it is for
the year end, i have something i want to do. it
is related to someone, that i wish to offer her a
choice that whichever decision she makes, she
will not regret.

And i haven't forgot about the promise 3 years
ago... let's make it happen next year, hao??

let me know you. if you're willing, i'm ready.

i just ask for Trust in the partnership, in which
honesty is crucial to form unwavering Trust.

3:58am
Maluri Hotel, Cheras
room 466
jave ... *sleep*zzZzzZZ

kokoro ga itai...!

2009-07-21T14:29:00.004+08:00

Raffique : Everything okay on your side? Any problems? Today's checklist done?

john : huh? about what?

Raffique : About ICTO la.. Apa la dei.. Lol..

john : what "checklist" are you indicating? that's the thing, am i "expected" to act Ravi's role when he's appointed a "leader" in the department? No offense Raffique, i'm just pissed with how things are handled and i'm being pulled into the mess. i'm a person very particular about leadership. Either appoint a fine leader, or allow me full authority to act a certain role. i'll be in the hotel tomorrow NIGHT, TK will be with Kok Seng to attend to the Aussies tomorrow from morning. i have a business appointment tomorrow noon till evening, i'm officially starting by 22nd NIGHT, i was told 23rd all these while. i do not know what "checklist" you meant, unless Ravi is supposed to give me one, which he didn't. My apologies if i sounded harsh.

Raffique : Your complaint is recorded. i am only checking up...

john : on my side, i'll do my job once i start, whether or not Ravi arrange things well. Any foreigners under my watch is my responsibility, their hospitality i'll do my best. Until then. Have a pleasant day.

------------------------------------------------------------

father : [on phone] where are you? have you taken the items from section 51? i need to meet you up, having lunch in Paramount, may not have enough money... need you bring me RM50.

son : [on phone] the items are ready, i'll take it and come now, where in Paramount are you?

father : [on phone] at the roast duck there.

*traffic slow, heading towards section 51 to take items. ...... took items, heading to Paramount*
(about half an hour past)

father : [on phone] hey where are you? i'm going to finish eating already.

son : [on phone] on the way...

father : [on phone] ok...

*traffic slow, 15 minutes past*

son : [on phone] which restaurant are you at? i'm at the agency there...

father : [on phone] left already.

son : [on phone] huh?? so...? back office??

father : [on phone] ya.

---------------------

father : [sms] i left already. i'm extremely ashame.

son : [sms] ??? what are you trying to say? you didn't tell me who are you with, were there any customers or suppliers with you?? plus i'm not familiar with Paramount. you didn't communicate your point clearly or tell me the "urgency" of it, and now this...? Be ashamed all you want, that's what i've been to you all the time. i didn't had a smooth day with all the mess Ravi's left over to me this 2 days, and sir Kevin is talking things i didn't know, about what leave from work for ICTO he claims you agreed with him. These are how things are, that's why i never liked getting myself involved with things you all are doing. it's probably better for all parties had i just cared to do my own thing.

---------------------

son : [sms] after this ICTO, i'm not going to help BTFC for any thing else anymore. Once i'm capable to buy my own car and rent a place to stay, i'll leave home.

mother : [sms] so be it. You don't want to find time to nicely talk to me instead of sending out cold messages like this, i'm fine. Do what you want.

son : [sms] our talks hardly end up "nice" even when we try to. i'm just a lousy son that shames my parents all the time, stay at home shame more only. Shift out better.

Maybe i was the only one among the people i know who cared to reconcile relationships. Elsewhere nobody seem to care, not even my parents. i'm always in the wrong, who don't know that.

ugly-bug heartbroken

20th July 2009, the day it started.

2009-07-21T10:03:00.011+08:00

if you Love until it so desires,

if you Love until death you do not fear,

if you Love,
that you would brave obstacles...

So much,
that you are willing to bear pain & shame
for the beloved.

So much,
that you would use all of what your life is
to make the best out of your beloved's life.

Then i say your Love is true.

As it is written and be reminded again:

"Many waters cannot quench Love, rivers cannot wash it away..." - Song of Songs 8:7a

Words will pass, the earth will pass, glory will pass, so do life and everything in it. But Love is one entity that goes on, as long as the hearts are bind together. Not even death breaks the bond, for it is stronger than any other thing in everything we know about the universe. Love is an entity endorsed by our Will, which even God does not interfere to control. He has given us this one thing which He will not take away from us: FREEDOM - our Will - able to make a choice of our own, even if it's the worst.

What is Love? How do i distinguish which is "Love" & which is "love"? Allow me to share you the Truth i believe with my life...

"Love NEVER fails..." - 1 Corinthians 13:8a

i have nothing else to give, nothing more to prove God's true, nothing i can give to help you believe in the Hope of Love. If it's so hard, what remains of me that i can offer is my life, that i'd use it to lead you there. As i gave my word, i'll bring you its meaning.

Pa-tona-
jave (john) as you call

it was Chance, and Chance, and Chance AGAIN!

2009-07-18T03:52:00.017+08:00

What a Night~

it started with this... RM90+ dinner! crazy price.

Lols~ Joshua's in "A"-shape, while i have a big head!

11:30pm - group @ Sunway Steven's: (from left) Neela, Ben, Jae Jin, TK, Ken, Mihai, Jave, & Joshua.

12:30am ... headed to Cheras, dropped Jae Jin, Ben, & Mihai. Then back home almost 2am. =)

******* ~*~*~*~*~*~ *******

human 1:
thanks for today.. i enjoyed very much.. blessed night.

human 2:
consider u a Friend. we lost contact so many times also re-meet again SO MANY times, perhaps God has given us the chance to cherish tis Friendship.. =)

human 1:
Thank God.. we share the same feeling. OK let's rest early.. my dear Friend

HAPPY ENDING~ for one day!

yaahas~
Nephon was for a day...

his name is Nefon.

2009-07-17T14:10:00.008+08:00

i'm the kind of person that honours a relationship as according to what meaning i give to it.

Say "best Friend", in all that was, i treated him BEST in all ways i could; when friends i usually meet ask me out while he (usually meet too) also ask me out, i gave him priority, because of the kind of meaning & definition the Friendship is given.

if he shares the SAME degree of Love like what i give to all others, then there wouldn't be "meaning" to "best Friend" as it claims; JUST a Friend will do.

What Love is without the actions that measures the depth it "claims"? it's better not to define a Friendship than to define but not honour it.

Perhaps i should consider being like other usual friends, people come & people go, always happens.. That i should not cherish my Friendships the way i always do.

i'm a Friend to you not because i'm by your side when nobody else will (although that's what i usually do), but i'm a Friend to you more of because i put my faith in believing that you are WHO i believe i know you ARE.

People all have their limits to give & take, and are very likely bound to clash at a certain point. i'm losing faith to whatever i used to believe of people.

and there's one very different from all others, one who i hardly communicate with, one who i long to see but can't, one who i've set my heart to truly learn about from the very beginning. Despite the unusual kind of communication, we remain as true Friends. Arigatou, boku no ichiban taisetsuna tomodachi.

mou hisashiburi ni ohanashi dekinakatta kedo, aitakatta kedo... kimi jishin no mirai no tame ni ganbatte ne. boku ga itsumo mite iru zo. Genki de ne!

kyo shinyou

sorry doesn't save at all

2009-07-16T22:10:00.002+08:00

it has been long since i last felt this nervous...

有点怕

2009-07-14T22:13:00.002+08:00

烦 ……

静優

2009-07-14T13:32:00.011+08:00

相変わらず　愛しいだちに、

Although it may have been a lot of pain & sorrow (for Her), but surely it was worth the Delight that has been by Her side all the years, to be more accurate, 19 years of life it is. To feel “幸せ”, may not necessarily limit to receiving; You may have been ever receiving from your very beloved Her, and may not have given Her anything (yet), but by just being Her むすめ whom She CAN Love, you gave Her all the meaning She need to smile through Her days. (^^)"

he knows you are strong, nevertheless do let out your emotions when you feel stuffed & hard... as much as he could and is ever willing to, just as he said before, he won't allow you to be abandoned. he's certainly weak, but hope his Love for 愛しいだち is strong enough to build her a foundation, that she will not ever fall to no end. 頑張れよ！

on another note, i don't know what to say about "him", but i believe even as he is hated, it is natural that he will be missed. He anyhow played a big part in bringing forth the existence of Her present "Delight". assume i can believe that my words are understood. All best wishes to the days we live. =)

もう少し　久しぶりだって、　僕の愛しいだちよ、愛してる。

jave より

aaaaahahahahahahahaha! NICE-ness! IMBA~

2009-07-14T02:11:00.007+08:00

IT WAS SUCCESSFUL!!!!! WE DID IT!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in 2 weeks! don't mess it up!
=D

we're SO GONNA make things happen! yesh! yesshh!!!
yesh yesh yeshhhh!!!!

i need some strength, someone please lend me!!!

anyway, to always remember the very first success, the beginning to all that is to come:

he said: "without you, there's no beginning; without me, there's no process to it."
13th July 2009, Monday.

So come to us, Rochester~ as we hope in your good, may we be blessed if the LORD wills!

remember this day,

jave ... the name is Passion.

he's a "reject"

2009-07-13T01:16:00.003+08:00

love the dark.

Nephry is pretty. Natalia is cute, but i like tear more.

the eve of a return

2009-07-12T01:33:00.012+08:00

an awkward day out...

=S

too busy? LOL

2009-07-10T13:45:00.010+08:00

that night... after all the happy happy hours, it all comes back to an empty heart.

mom's right, i'm the problem. Dad's trying so hard in life, working for the family...
he doesn't even allow himself some rest.
his son is a lazy bum... i've gotta do something!

Rochester! don't run from me! i'm SO GONNA get you!!!

got a spare car at home now... new car coming soon, paying myself =)
i'm so independant! LOL~

i hope i am...

someone's not working! his momma was talking to me with eyes so sad!! said, "who don't Love their own child? John, whatever you're going to involve him, push him hard. Just push him hard..." (~_~) *stress!*

I WILL, Auntie! *ties headband over forehead* haha...

yes i'm john, don't get all funny. my name is HOOI JOHN EE, jave is because there was a meeting with THREE johns, and one whose name is John LEE, then someone called out, "john", THREE of us responded.. then he said, "John (L)ee", then both me and John Lee responded.. LOL!!! xD

Now they call me Jave, no more mistakes! =)

Alrights, so i'm "too busy", so i should ease a bit.
go get to know some girl-friends better... =D
Good?? TELL ME~!!

huahaha-kunchan,
Passion the ugly-bug =D

Neuphire, Kanzenlegend

2009-07-07T17:47:00.003+08:00

silent for a time,
quiet for a day,
wordless for a month,
lifeless for a year.

............
............
............

speak no more,
hear no more,
see but a little,
feel but the least.

............
............
............

a warm heart brights a day,
a cold heart protects but itself,
living a Love that never fades,
fighting for a meaning to Eternity.

............
............
............

Neuphire Chronicles

my eyes were filled with fire
my heart with passion but dead
my eyes are now with water
like sea deep my heart is made

ocean rose and crushed me down
i fought and lost but myself
rain and storms kept me on ground
defeated by times of twelve

most words shared were of courage
but heart's too broken to hear
losing my wisdom as i age
truths and lies they stick so near

said myself, "stand up! be strong!"
yet the body knows its fall
rings and cymbals' blast and gong
nothing breaks the spirit wall

a time past i saw a life
new and strange i want to know
my heart knows how to survive
to make it yet live and glow

that life looks bright from outside
endless smiles and companions
till i know what sorrows hide
honest truths that heart so yearns

try me now O' great ocean
i'll swim through, your waves i brave
dare me O' storms of season
i fear not, that heart i'll save

crush me if you even can
behold as my strength revives
the Lord's good i hold in hand
even when pain is the price

i now stand strong as before
steady, firm and confident
my heart is flamed ever more
for Love's sake i'm existent

by Jave, 07 July 2009

Anyone deciphers?

Shuri-e Kolta

Love is how much we give of ourselves, especially our time.

2009-07-05T16:31:00.005+08:00

From: jave.ithiel@hotmail.com
Date: Mon, 8 Jun 2009 08:57:18 +0200

dear Brothers & Sisters, my Beloved Friends,

this is an encouraging e-mail i would like to share with you all.

i'm glad to have came across such an e-mail that speaks of the same passion like i had, back then in New York. Surely some of you know that i haven't been strong in Spirit, very crushed, and losing much confidence.. but at the same time being defeated & humbled, learned a lot on the Truth about Loving, and realized the joy in cherishing the Life gracefully & mercifully given to me. Thank you very much for remembering me, and for the prayers done for me. Had it not been your faithful support in Spirit, surely i wouldn't have lived this far..

And when i saw this e-mail from James Lau (below, after my e-mail), i was very happy i don't know why... it's EXACTLY what i was sharing ALL THE TIME, ALL THIS 2 YEARS!!

i would like to add a note to it:

Love your brothers first, before you Love outsiders. As i said, it is EASIER to maintain an old sheep than to teach new ones. We're NOT doing it because it's easy, but because some have been placing the focus at the less-effective side! (i don't want to use harsh words, but please understand what i mean...) Who are we to acknowledge ourselves "Leaders"? If you maintain a good old sheep, he/she can help to guide the new ones.. SHARE the burden, don't take it as if everyone is our particular responsibility & concern, TRUST each other! Of course it's not wrong, we're just playing the role appointed to us, but even Moses' father-in-law taught him how to distribute the work, doing so, we have to TRUST the capability of people we're working with, and those supporting us.

See, the problem often occurs when we set our focus so much on the newcomers and sometimes without ourselves knowing it, we tend to neglect the old ones. We might think they're matured enough in Spirit to take care of themselves, but they're still human, we have to COMMUNICATE. Don't tell me you won't contact your close Friend whom you cherish even if he's very capable of taking care of himself/herself.. you DO, don't you?? how much more our fellow brothers & sisters in Christ?

"Carry each others burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the Law of Christ." - Gal 6:2

May i elaborate, the Law of Christ is: The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." - Gal 5:14

DO NOT put the blame on the sheep having left the church or fellowship saying, "ah! we invited them to church & fellowship and cells, but they just love the world more than God." Have we ever give a thought about it, that when the sheep have problems and call us or approach us, and the response we give them are ever so lukewarm and cold, although we TRY our so called "best", but they're human, they can FEEL the atmosphere.. upon receiving such impression and response from us, they may have thought that they're troubling us and thus chose to LEAVE & take care of their problem themselves.. If that's the case, they're even considering for us despite their hard situation.. and when they leave, we call it their fault, how fair or Loving are we? Please if we would keep in mind, there's NO measurement for what's "best", HOW MUCH is needed to be considered "best"??? Trying is just a step away from NOT accomplishing.

Nevertheless, we continue striving for the better, it's the constant attitude to improve that makes it perfect.

"Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." - Matthew 5:48

When we Christians talk about Love all the time, we have to becareful that we do not pollute the LORD's fame, by giving the wrong impression to non-believers that we're doing what we do because we're expected to do it or told to do it. As i said before, if anyone notice that he/she is doing something for the sake of doing it or because of a responsibility, DON'T DO IT! i'd really prefer NOT to do something that gives a lukewarm or cold expression to the receiver lest it may shame the name of God our Loving & Merciful LORD. Do a good work for people, IF ONLY we truly Love them, it's a choice we can make. If you choose to do something for the good of others, do it WHOLEHEARTEDLY!

but understand that Love is ONE-WAY, Loving people doesn't mean people will Love you back. If we Love, be always ready to take the pain, for there are many hurts in Love. but a word of encouragement from Mother Teresa: "i have found the paradox, that if i Love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more Love."

Why no more hurt, but more Love? Allow me to elaborate, as i said, Love is a ONE-WAY thing. if we Love until it hurts and we stop Loving, the hurt remains even if we give-up; yet if we continue Loving, we ALREADY know the hurt, more hurt or less is the same.. because we know that hurt well enough to embrace it, so we continue to Love and Love MORE, because the hurt remains the same.

please take note:

the definition to LEADER:

LEADERs Learn from Examples with the right Attitude to make Decisions through Experience, only when there's a Responsibility where no one else is more willing to carry.

That's what makes a leader. being a leader doesn't mean we're better of than the sheep, it's just that no one else is more willing to take up a task, and thus the one who assumed the task is appointed as a leader; whether or not the task is given. Humility is based on how we view one thing, how we bring about ourselves. Should there be a Leader, there's ONLY ONE, that'll be Christ the Lord Himself, anyone else are just servants to play different roles at different times.

"Before his downfall a man's heart is proud, but humility comes before honor." - Prov 18:12

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." - Prov 11:2

but if i may speak, do not seek for honour. if it is given to you, take it, but remember that Time, Resources, our Strength, Health, Capability of Thinking, our very Breath, are ALL given by the LORD; we did nothing, the only thing commendable is a Willing Heart.

i do have more to share in fact, but since the topic this time is about Love, i'll just stop here. i wish to also apologize for this LONG LETTER.. well i haven't been talking to you all in person on Spiritual issues for very long time, which we did quite often years ago.

and before i forget...

dear very beloved Brothers & Sisters,

"True Love melts the hardest of hearts and makes tears of the driest eyes." - Ithiel

"Love NEVER fails." - 1 Corinthians 13:8a

In His mercy & grace,

your unworthy brother & weak Friend.

Jave Ithiel

Date: Mon, 1 Jun 2009 16:53:33 +0800
To:
From: lauho08@yahoo.com.sg
Subject: Love is how much we give of ourselves, especially our time

Love is how much we give of ourselves, especially our time

The passages below are taken from the book “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. It was published in 2002.

Life is all about love.

Because God is love, the most important lesson he wants you to learn on earth is how to love. It is in loving that we are most like him, so love is the foundation of every command he has given us: “The whole Law can be summed up in this one command: ‘Love others as you love yourself’”¹
Learning to love unselfishly is not an easy task. It runs counter to our self-centered nature. That’s why we’re given a lifetime to learn it. Of course, God wants us to love everyone, but he is particularly concerned that we learn to love others in his family. As we’ve already seen, this is the second purpose for your life. Peter tells us, “Show special love for God’s people.”² Paul echoes this sentiment: “When we have the opportunity to help anyone, we should do it. But we should give special attention to those who are in the family of believers.”³
Why does God insist that we give special love and attention to other believers? Why do they get priority in loving? Because God wants his family to be known for its love more than anything else. Jesus said our love for each other---not our doctrinal beliefs---is our greatest witness to the world. He said, “Your strong love for each other will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”⁴
In heaven we will enjoy God’s family forever, but first we have some tough work to do here on earth to prepare ourselves for an eternity of loving. God trains us by giving us “family responsibilities,” and the foremost of these is to practice loving each other.

God wants you to be in regular, close fellowship with other believers so you can develop the skill of loving. Love cannot be learned in isolation. You have to be around people---irritating, imperfect, frustrating people. Through fellowship we learn three important truths.

THE BEST USE OF LIFE IS LOVE

Love should be your top priority, primary objective, and greatest ambition. Love is not a good part of your life; it’s the most important part. The Bible says, “Let love be your greatest aim.”⁵It’s not enough to say, “One of the things I want in life is to be loving,” as if it’s in your top ten list.

Relationships must have priority in your life above everything else. Why?
Life without love is really worthless.

Paul makes this point:
“No matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.”⁶
Often we act as if relationships are something to be squeezed into our schedule. We talk about finding time for our children or making time for people in our lives. That gives the impression that relationships are just a part of our lives along with many other tasks. But God says relationships are what life is all about.

Four of the Ten Commandments deal with our relationship to God while the other six deal with our relationships with people. But all ten are about relationships! Later, Jesus summarized what matters most to God in two statements: love God and love people.

He said, “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart. . . . This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neiqhbor as yourself.’ All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”⁷

After learning to love God (worship), learning to love others is the second purpose of your life.

Relationships, not achievements or the acquisition of things, are what matters most in life. So why do we allow our relationships to get the short end of the stick? When our schedules become overloaded, we start skimming relationally, cutting back on giving the time, energy, and attention that loving relationships require. What’s most important to God is displaced by what’s urgent.

Busyness is a great enemy of relationships. We become preoccupied with making a living, doing our work, paying bills, and accomplishing goals as if these tasks are the point of life. They are not. The point of life is learning to love---God and people. Life minus love equals zero.

Love will last forever. Another reason God tells us to make love our top priority is that it is eternal: “These three things continue forever: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love.”⁸Love leaves a legacy. How you treated other people, not your wealth or accomplishments, is the most enduring impact you can leave on earth. As Mother Teresa said, “It’s not what you do, but how much love you put into it that matters.” Love is the secret of a lasting heritage.

I have been at the bedside of many people in their final moments, when they stand on the edge of eternity, and I have never heard anyone say, “Bring me my diplomas! I want to look at them one more time. Show me my awards, my medals, that gold watch I was given.”

When life on earth is ending, people don’t surround themselves with objects. What we want around us is people---people we love and have relationships with.

In our final moments we all realize that relationships are what life is all about. Wisdom is learning that truth sooner rather than later. Don’t wait until you’re on your deathbed to figure out that nothing matters more.

We will be evaluated on our love. The third reason to make learning to love the goal of your life is that it is what we will be evaluated on in eternity. One of the ways God measures spiritual maturity is by the quality of your relationships. In heaven God won’t say, “Tell me about your career, your bank account, and your hobbies.” Instead he will review how you treated other people, particularly those in need.⁹ Jesus said the way to love him is to love his family and care for their practical needs: “Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.”¹⁰
When you transfer into eternity, you will leave everything else behind. All you’re taking with you is your character. That’s why the Bible says, “The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.”¹¹
Knowing this, I suggest that when you wake up every morning, you kneel by your bed, or sit on the edge of it, and pray this: “God whether I get anything else done today, I want to make sure that I spend time loving you and loving other people---because that’s what life is all about. I don’t want to waste this day.” Why should God give you another day if you’re going to waste it?

THE BEST EXPRESSION OF LOVE IS TIME

The importance of things can be measured by how much time we are willing to invest in them. The more time you give to something, the more you reveal its importance and value to you. If you want to know a person’s priorities, just look at how they use their time.

Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can’t make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.

It is not enough just to say relationships are important; we must prove it by investing time in them. Words alone are worthless. “My children, our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action.”¹² Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is “T--I--M--E.”

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves. Men, in particular, often don’t understand this. Many have said to me, “I don’t understand my wife and kids. I provide everything they need. What more could they want?” They want you! Your eyes, your ears, your time, your attention, your presence, your focus---your time. Nothing can take the place of that.

The most desired gift of love is not diamonds or roses or chocolate. It is focused attention. Love concentrates so intently on another that you forget yourself at that moment. Attention says, “I value you enough to give you my most precious asset---my time.” Whenever you give your time, you are making a sacrifice, and sacrifice is the essence of love. Jesus modeled this: “Be full of love for others, following the example of Christ who loved you and gave Himself to God as a sacrifice to take away your sins.”¹³
You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving. “God so loved the world that he gave. . .”¹⁴ Love means giving up---yielding my preferences, comfort, goals, security, money, energy, or time for the benefit of someone else.

THE BEST TIME TO LOVE IS NOW

Sometimes procrastination is a legitimate response to a trivial task. But because love is what matters most, it takes top priority. The Bible stresses this repeatedly. It says, “Whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone.”¹⁵ “Use every chance you have for doing good.”¹⁶“Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it. Never tell your neighbor to wait until tomorrow if you can help them now.”¹⁷
Why is now the best time to express love? Because you don’t know how long you will have the opportunity. Circumstances change. People die. Children grow up. You have no guarantee of tomorrow. If you want to express love, you had better do it now.

Knowing that one day you will stand before God, here are some questions you need to consider: How will you explain those times when projects or things were more important to you than people? Who do you need to start spending more time with? What do you need to cut out of your schedule to make that possible? What sacrifices do you need to make?

The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now. (123-128)

Notes
1. Galatians 5:14 (LB).
2. 1 Peter 2:17b (CEV).
3. Galatians 6:10 (NCV).
4. John 13:35 (LB).
5. 1 Corinthians 14:1a (LB).
6. 1 Corinthians 13:3 (Msg).
7. Matthew 22:3740 (NLT).
8. 1 Corinthians 13:13 (NCV).
9. Matthew 25:3446.
10. Matthew 25:40 (NRSV),
11. Galatians 5:6 (NIV).
12. 1 john 3:18 (TEV).
13. Ephesians 5:2 (LB).
14. John 3:16a.
15. Galatians 6:10 (NLT).
16. Ephesians 5:16 (NCV).
17. Proverbs 3:27 (TEV).

The Bible was originally written using 11,280 Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek words, but the typical English translation uses only around 6,000 words. Obviously, nuances and shades of meaning can be missed, so it is always helpful to compare translations.

AMP The Amplified Bible, Grand Rapids: Zondervan (1965)
CEV Contemporary English Version, New York: American Bible Society (1995)
GWT God’s Word Translation, Grand Rapids: World Publishing, Inc. (1995)
KJV King James Version
LB Living Bible, Wheaton, II: Tyndale House Publishers (1979)
Msg The Message, Colorado Springs: Navpress (1993)
NAB New American Bible, Chicago: Catholic Press (1970)
NASB New American Standard Bible, Anaheim, CA: Foundation Press (1973)
NCV New Century Version, Dallas: Word Bibles (1991)
NIV New International Version, Colorado Springs: International Bible Society (1978, 1984)
NJB New Jerusalem Bible, Garden City, NY: Doubleday (1985)
NLT New Living Translation, Wheaton, II: Tyndale House Publishers (1996)
NRSV New Revised Standard Version, Grand Rapids: Zondervan (1990)
Ph New Testament in Modern English by J. B. Phillips, New York: Macmillan (1958)
TEV Today’s English Version, New York: American Bible Society (1992) (Also called Good News Translation)

an e-mail sent
jave

Love & heartaches come in a package.

2009-07-05T15:49:00.001+08:00

Light a Heart

Once in a while you feel all lonely,
days that you feel so insecure,
but a truthful word sets your heart free,
someone heard you and brings a cure.

Broken or shattered, painful or scared,
i'm here for you, so take a nap.
Confuse or teary, hurt or mad,
i heard and came, to patch the gap.

- dedicated to Evaline - 5th July 2009, by Jave

someone asked me,

Why loving someone have to be so hard.. lol..
I really wanna be happy but tears kept flowing down..
Why is love so unfair...
i really dunno who to talk to..

replied,

(^^)" u'll never find a Love that's fair, it's always one Love the other more..
becos everyone's measurements r different, what's important is we Love
each other DEEPLY, then who more who less also nvm. See.. when we
say we Love someone, we hv to knw r we really actually Loving that
person or we're actually Loving ourselves? we love to expect ppl love us
more in return, that's "love", bcos Love is not selfish, it does not seek
for own gains.

Love & heartaches come in a package.. if u intend to Love ppl, u hv all
my support; if it's about a relationship, choose ur future partner carefully..
if that's a guy who Loves u, the world n the happenings in life may tear
both of u apart (physically), heartaches may still appear to u (not caused
by him), NOTHING of such breaks the bond of Love between the both
of u... even with death, Love remains.

Hope never fades for as long as time exists,
but Faith is what it takes to see that light persist.

- ithiel

words of a time

2009-07-03T14:48:00.011+08:00

Dear Friend,

Even if it is wished... i may not be your first & foremost valued Friend, may not even be in your most trusted list. As it is with all due respect, i cannot force my way through your other friendships which you have formed, probably very much longer than the one we share. Yet of course, it is my joy if the bond we share is one that you truly cherish a lot.

In truth, i started many friendships like this. Not many have lasted, only a hand-full. It's not too hard learning to Love people, it doesn't mean people Love you too; the nature of Love, one-way...

... forget not all His benefits.

Psalm 103:2 KIV

For opening your heart & very self to the creation of this bond we now share, Many Thanks!!! =)

Cherish all other friendships, be gentle because it is fragile. And i also want you to know, if there comes a time where everyone else leave, then let alone i'll stay. Should there come the harshest of times, always remember you're not forsaken; even if i'm in the last of your list.
And definitely, never forsaken by the LORD, God of mercy.

Embrace Love. Be strong, but not hardened.

i was looking around an old art box, and i noticed my
long lost writings. read it again, it feels so nostalgic.
and then i wrote one for her, gonna give it tomorrow

but there were a few very well kept, it was the few
special ones... =)

Beloved Friend

if only i could feel an inch deeper,
i wonder if that makes you feel better.
i'm sorry i'm weak, i'm learning the art,
but i'm true, in searching your heart.

God didn't promise a Love without pain,
yet through every pain we make a gain.
tell me the days you feel the burden,
i'll share the load, so pass me the baton.

Smiles and laughs and jokes all the while,
yet deep inside you'd wish to yell.
i promise i won't force you to tell,
times of which you feel life compels

Share to me the days you cry,
sorrows and pain you always hide.
Be it far or near i'll be there to hear,
you angry or silent i'll do the cheer.

If Eternity sounds so fleeting to you,
i'll find its meaning and bear it for you.
believe again in the good once lost,
i'll stand up high and fight for this cause.

- dedicated to Evaline Teoh - 3rd July 2009 by Jave

------------------------------------

Contrasts of Life

Reality can never be turned an illusion,
as it is often it offers no vision.
While everything happens with its cause,
face them with courage till it exhaust.

Though life isn't always what we wanted,
yet till the end we hope untroubled.
Life is worst whenever doubt reigns,
but hope with faith in joy we gain.

It doesn't matter when you'll fall,
for then you'll know how to solve.
For some died twice to learn what's life,
It takes some falls to see your rise.

September 2006, by Jave

------------------------------------

Take & Give

Whoever understands Love, can Love;
and he who understands blessings, will bless.
No one can give without receiving,
nor can anyone Love without being Loved.

November 2005, by Jave

God Loves me~! =D

ryth valliére

i'm so blind.

2009-07-02T12:14:00.012+08:00

She told me she had one but doesn't use. i don't know what
triggered her interest to start one again, but i can't believe
i was so blind not to have realised the new one earlier.

those are the words of your heart... i'm sorry i came late...

i'm worried of something too, worried that you're trapped
inside the illusion of love. True, i don't know your reasons
of being so attached to him but... based on all little details
i've heard about him, i wonder, he doesn't seem to be true
to you.

he may be low in confidence... but that's not an excuse for
a guy to cling on two girls at a time. If he truly Loves you,
any other girls that appear around must not be more than
a Friend, and of course there should be a certain distance
in between. Trust though, is a very important thing in any
relationship. i don't know how well do the two of you know
about each other, but everything takes time...

Just... if he treats you like that, i can't see how true is that
"love" he claims for you. he probably loves you for his own
interest, just because he wants you.

Find a guy who will Love you because of the person he is
when you're with him. That you becomes his strength, &
one who helps him improve in life, his courage, his Love.
One who will accepts you just as you are, because every
thing else in this world fades, no beauty remains forever.
but be it a guy willing & ready to sacrifice, for any cause,
because in times of trials it's such guy who will not leave
you alone to suffer, or to bear every burden by yourself.
In a Relationship, one who Loves but you, and you only;
who do not go for many loves...

but first of all,

Love yourself, because there are people who Loves you.

Do not practice unhealthy lifestyle, as there are enough
hurts from the outside.

Avoid mixing too much with certain people, those who
may not/do not appreciate & respect you the way they
should.

Do not give up Love, because Love did not gave up on
you.

Do not forget all the good, because good is still finding
its way to reach you.

Be sociable as you are, but keep your honour at all times,
people respect those who respects themselves, whether
in body or pride.

Always, be aware of your surroundings and take good
care of yourself, there are people who are concerned.

When things are too much for you to cope, remember to
rest, better have it done later than to spoil your body.

Do not give up on yourself, because you won't be alone
no matter what happens. At least i know one will stay.

Life never forsakes those who cherishes it to the very least
bit. If you do not have the strength to, it's fine, do not be
depressed... your Friend is here to give you what you need
to move on.

Don't say there's no Love you can find, just that it hasn't
appear before you. Do not speed into one again...

"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you

by the gazelles and by the does of the field:

Do not arouse or awaken love

until it so desires."

song of songs 2:7

let Love develop at Its natural pace, if it is found among a bond you know, it's better that you've known the person as a Friend for a time that both of you have things that you share and better mutual understanding.

And my reply to your un-asked question,

my feeling was... i'm starting to Love again. =)
that i found something new, something i choose to believe in.

and thank you.

my name is Passion.

ryth valliére

haha...

2009-07-01T11:24:00.005+08:00

she is right when she said i should think this way:
"they're willing to spend the time going out with you."
i know, (if i'm not wrong) she was partly indicating herself.

yea, actually, i thought of that. And she's very right to say,
"before you know the truth, it's really not fair to conclude that
they don't treat you as a Friend just because they don't find you
all the time."

i replied her,
"my bad in using wrong words, but i don't mean 'All The Time',
what i refer to is those only once in YEARS or ZERO. find that
time also because got things one. xD "

then she said these people have to be scolded already.

so i said,
"the thing is, most of my friendships are like that ma! scold
everyone meh.. (-_-); "

and continued: "maybe because i always take the initiative,
people just sit there and wait.. as if i 365 days also in very
good condition. What i mean is i check on Friends from time
to time, maybe they're not quite fine.. but they won't know
when i myself is unwell.. that's why i said i haven't been fair
to myself."

and she replied,
"then they're not your Friend already lorr. They're your friend
le. haha! Friend so easy to find meh.. lol"

yea.. LOL~

see you this weekend. Until then, baiie baiie...

Athskavil Nyul Meros, Planet Battlefields.

Bonds - contradictions, beliefs, confusion

2009-07-01T02:11:00.006+08:00

Some may already know, if not realise that i've been doubtful
about myself & all relationships around me recently. Actually,
i'm feeling as if i'm getting more and more stupid as time passes.
i can no longer define anything more confidently like before...
Day by day i start to feel that "Friendships & Relationships" are
gradually becoming a stranger to me.

Name those i've shared quite a strong bond with before,
i can count by my fingers... i'm blessed, not too few.
Some people don't even have one despite their hearty wishes...
But how are these bonds that i share with them look like?

Although every friendship has its own details, all of them have a
very common trait (except for 3 Friendships), here's how it is:
i'm the one that approaches, the one who takes the initiative to
keep in touch, one who's particularly concerned of keeping every
possible contact information, who's interested to know the well-
being of those he calls a Friend, ALWAYS... always... and still,
Always......

you can call me selfish, i won't mind; to make it clear, i probably
haven't been "fair" to myself up till this point of time in almost every
bond shared between my Friends & my unworthy self.

See i just can't understand the "Way" of Friendship, when you call
someone a Friend, and you are not even bothered to keep in touch?
i mean...
what if i never did the keeping-in-touch, and instead WAITED??
how much of a "Friend" will we be today???

i'm not contempting, I JUST WANT TO KNOW!!
exactly WHAT am i to my Friends???
i mean...
i have NO IDEA of WHO AM I to my friends... that's about it.
*confused, discouraged... feeling disturbed*

i haven't tried, maybe i should...? that if i pull back my usual way of
Friendship for a little period of time, and i wonder if my "Friends"
would actually bother to "keep in touch", or maybe not...

one Friend went to another city for studies years back, NEVER met
NEVER contacted me ever since, except that i contacted her a few
times throughout the few years... And it's common to hear:
"we should come out to meet, have a drink & talk..."
it just never happen...

one Friend updates on my blog once in a while, we do not have much
opportunity to meet, and even if we do, we hardly meet.. and yes,
as it is with other Friendships, i'm the one always taking initiative to
keep-in-touch, as far as i remember, there was only 2 MSN messages
sent to me first to start a conversation, throughout the years, not
more than 5 sms-es initiatively sent to me. The rest, i was always the
one to START.

another Friend is kind to me as we uphold & encourage each other
Spiritually for years, but only contacts me when there's something
he wants to know, or ask. Probably only ONCE where i received a
call from him for NO OTHER reasons than JUST TO KNOW my well-being.
Other than that, i'm probably the only one stupid enough to make calls
or meeting-up just for the sake of concerns, asking, "how are you?"

yet another Friend often says i'm busy, that i do not have time for her..
but she herself is surrounded by... "guys"? well, i'm not the kind of guy
who go out with many different friends one session after another, it's
not bad at all.. that's probably because she has PLENTY of friends.
but i just don't do that, as i take any form of relationship VERY seriously,
when i am asked or i myself offer time for someone, i seriously give it
to just that ONE person, or a particular ONE group. i don't rush to cope,
as if it's SO HARD to make a time for one person that matters to me...

and up till now, i've only received not more than 5 sms-es initiatively
sent by her to me to start a conversation or to ask for meeting-up...
yea right, how "busy" am i... i was the one who asked for meeting-up &
doing all the keeping-in-touch, calling, sms-ing, ALL THE TIME. LOL??

and there's a Friend, went overseas for backpacking, years passed too,
never contacted never met. One whom i call a "Beloved Brother",
i called him even when he was in London. Not the other way round, i
wouldn't even have known if he'd be back had i not contact him in the
first place.

WHAT ON EARTH catches their attention? ... all i do, it's my Way of
cherishing a Friendship... i just never know how much am i worth
to my Friends, maybe i'm nothing... just a friend like no other...
"can be together for good, can be lost if situations make it so." hm??

what? because that's how things are?? so we're not going to make
an effort for what we believe in, for what we wish it wasn't weak?
we can't even do that?? and then say, "Nature wins, we lose." huh?
yeah, so i'm a "freak" to be so serious in all Relationships uh...?
so i should do like what Gabrielle said, that i do not have a girlfriend
because i didn't look for one myself, so maybe i should just simply
get one...? will that be good? yeah??

i don't mind being the active one in Friendship/Relationship, taking
initiatives to start communication... i just want to KNOW what am
i to my Friends, in which, i DO NOT know at all.

Some Friends tell me that i'm this this important to them, that that
meaningful to them.. and all i know is i'm the one ALWAYS starting
communication between us, and when i didn't, it doesn't seem like
anyone cares. It's funny if both sides actually waits for each other
to take the first initiative! then the waiting will become cold, as if
Friends do not care for each other, why do we have to keep an ego?
it really bothers me, because i really don't know the measure of my
Friends' value of me in our shared bonds.

If i'm REALLY well-cherished like what they said i am to them,
and why am i always the one who seem to care to contact?
i can continue Loving, i just want to know if i'm Loved. doesn't mean
i give up Loving if i'm not Loved.
Nevertheless, i'm just a mere HUMAN with many weaknesses.
i am a being made with many emotions, i ain't superman...

So tell me, how much easier has it been for me to play
the "Game of Trust"?
i've to Trust my Friends a whole big deal to not
doubt their words of cherishing our bond at all.

i'm learning about a new Friendship, one that i'm starting to enjoy,
but how deep is this Friendship? how far will it go??
What type of person is she? i know she's rather smart, hopefully
she's not a cunningly dishonest person; it reminds me of my ex...
i don't even know all deep about my Friend yet, hopefully i will in
time... please don't hide details from me, share your heart to me,
if you're comfortable with it.

extra note: 3v you've got to work hard for your life! don't let your parents worry for your future ALL THE TIME...

words in truth,
jave

starting to know more

2009-06-28T09:55:00.004+08:00

there may be many friends all around,
not all are close, it has to be that way.
i'm not fond of expressions like "dear",
or "honey", or "darling", etc...
UNLESS you are one to me.

Friendships are like everything else in this world
it takes a time to build, an instant to destroy.

so.. people know i don't use "dear" or "beloved"
to just anyone, unless they are REALLY dear to me.
so don't take me for one of those suibian people out there!

yes, you're right that my Friendship personality is
"Depth", and very few reach there..
so you know Friends call me trustworthy for that.

unlike my brother Ken, he can talk to ANYONE,
be friends with ANYONE, but never really deep.
he's quite a loner, he lives life just as it is.
his life is easier, less stress, less disappointments,
more contented... he doesn't take things too seriously,
so it won't hurt him badly. everyone knows he's "cool"
=)

and unlike my youngest, Joe, he's very sociable.
he has MANY friends, and he is affectionate,
passionate, active, and he goes for the depth too.
Yes, not as deep or rooted like mine.
he will probably experience more hurts & disappointments,
but will not be more severe than mine.
That'll be good for him, my beloved brother.

if i'm given only two options,
i'll go for ONE true Love instead of many loves.
people will advice me to live life easy,
unfortunately, i tend to choose a living for others,
so that the hopes of the afflicted never just perishes.

And if anyone tells me, "stupid! True Love doesn't exist!"
i'm already READY to take the pain along the path,
and FIND it, if not MAKE it!
it's probably 0.0001% chance to eventually find one.
but no matter how people mock it,
it is a hope in the hearts of many, desiring to see one.

and i want.. VERY want to use my life
to exchange for this HOPE to reveal among its believers.
So that the constructive beliefs
from the beginning of human history remains.

As it is,
people often turn to be more wicked
because their hopes are crushed...
When one good hope remains, people live better
and thus treat each other better.

For every good that remains today, and that we have,
at their backs were uncountable sacrifices.

Although i'm not Spiritual for now,
but thank God, i really do... that i'm starting to learn
a NEW Friendship i'm cherishing.
i don't know much yet, and i can't guarantee anything,
still i hope for the best to come for ETERNITY.

you can call me a fool to believe in Eternity,
but if everyone else throw away such hope,
everything will turn to be meaningless...
Nevermind if you can't believe in it,
i'll believe on your behalf.

Is there a burden too heavy to carry?
i can't carry FOR you...
but whenever the burden strikes you down,
i will carry WITH you to move on..
that explains my disappearing, and sudden appearing,
all the time.

i've finished whatever i can write.
although there are still words in heart i couldn't write.
smile for the day, Live for a purpose.
we exist to bring forth meaning to everything we see.

shalom, everyone.

it's not deep to the extent where i can unawkwardly say,
"i Love you" like i do to the few other Friends yet...
when it comes to that day, i'm really enjoying the Friendship.
for now, take good care, and do remember the Vitamin B's~

bug's life records
=)

deep in thoughts

2009-06-26T10:43:00.005+08:00

yes, i matter to some people...... i wonder what am i doing
i can't find my supplier... i bought Gintoki for Ken
haha~ Joshua didn't come for late dinner, didn't informed us either

she fainted during her holidays in a country nearby..
i think she's well now.

feel like writing, but i just can't write anything.

lost a game...
Dragonica seduced so many people

going to trim the hair a bit
going to watch a movie
going to train up fighting
going to compose a new music
going to ...
i don't know... i'm so lost

play pool? =D
maybe that's better...

not today...

she replied my sms, i know she would
i just didn't "expect" it..
please understand, Love is one-way.
so i just didn't "expect" a return favour...
if you are kind to me, thank you.
i appreciate it. Very much...

she's probably the 2nd closest girl-Friend i have in my life up till now.

who am i to everybody individually i don't know,
will my cherished Friendships break i don't know,
but as she has plenty of people who cares for her,
even if i am placed far behind, as it used to be,
she remains my itoshii dachi, 2nd to no other.
Not because she's more "important",
but because i know she's never less true in this most cherished Dachifune.

it is cherished, because it has proven itself over time.

of course itoshii dachi & girlfriend are NOT comparable.
so don't get it wrong.
girlfriend/wife is who i Love both emotionally AND physically,
of course you may hug your Friends, but not kiss (for me),
the more intimate physical bond of course, is not for Friends.
girlfriend/wife is who i share my every bit of Life with,
including dreams, visions, life works, etc...
emotionally, i wish to have a heart big enough to Love,
especially those whose Lives reaches His heart...

asked Marcus to meet this sunday, don't know he free not..
he's leaving for Sweden soon.

i fear... to trust even myself.
i fear... to fall in love again.
i fear... i forget how to Love.
i fear... i'm gonna lose more.
i fear... the same heartache.
i fear... changes in due time.
i fear... i'll hurt the next her. (whoever she is)
i fear... more disappointments.
i fear... i'm inconsiderate to my parents.
i fear... almost everything in Love... be it Friendship, or Relationship.

*faint smile*

that's who i am.. =)

signed.
bug records

NEOPHILIA

2009-06-18T21:51:00.002+08:00

Parellel days,
Valentine day kiss...
LOVE GUN!
First good bye.

Maybe i can't good-by,
Forget me nots...
Lost my music,
CHA-LA HEAD CHA-LA~

welcome UNKNOWN.
God knows...

Ending!

« hirano »

2009-06-17T10:16:00.006+08:00

If you plant honesty, you will reap trust
If you plant goodness, you will reap Friends
If you plant humility, you will reap greatness
If you plant perseverance, you will reap (contentment) character
If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective
If you plant hard work, you will reap success
If you plant forgiveness, you will reap (reconcilation) mercy

words from an aunt, edited by her nephew.

"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows." - Galatians 6:7

"Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love..." - Hosea 10:12a

2009-06-17T10:03:00.002+08:00

“Those we hold most dear never truly leave us for they live
forever in our hearts”.

words from a father

i can't help feeling a pinch in heart when i read that.

2009-06-12T13:42:00.013+08:00

i think i really don't know how to differentiate what's true and false of a friend.
is that important?

maybe i am feeling almost worthless, with what happened 3 months ago.
i don't know... just can't appreciate myself a little more..

who values you? is there anyone? how do they express it?
do they even express it? how deep??
do they REALLY value you?

if you're alone, it's lonely i know...
it hurts more when you know people don't really value you.

too many flaws. i don't want something, but still my heart yearns for a little.
what is this...? i can't despise myself enough.

if every relationship is a game of Trust, i'm sorry, i think i can't do well.
i've often been expressive, everyone knows about it.
But when it returns to me, often cold or lukewarm,
yet their words spell of meaning as if with a great depth of Love,
i want to believe the words, seriously... but the atmosphere is too cold,
that i get confused whether is it really genuine.

So it ends up, a game of Trust..

i've trusted someone who goes about with many happenings
over a period of 2 years filled of various deeply felt emotions
even in the worst times,
i still Trusted that person's said value of our Dachifune..

i did wavered at times, even if i do not want to admit,
it wasn't easy for me playing this game of Trust & waiting
ever waiting for time to prove true my belief in the Friendship.
that i really know someone i can count on when i'm dead weak..

to this someone,
for being true
Thank you.

i've realise that only one remains true at such degree,
the rest i'm really confused. but if i don't Love, i won't find any..
i have to trust in order for a relationship to develop further,
but who???

honestly, i have a bad feeling on one very cherished friendship recently,
same feeling like 3 months ago, i'm really trying to keep it as it is.
is there no friendship stronger than a crystal glass?
i'm hurt, i'm tired, i'm feeling really... really... whatever...

the depth of Love is proven through time..
it's not deep for a moment, and then gone when something happens
it's how consistent it is, harbouring Love ALL THE TIME,
never failing at any point.

some time ago, someone said i'm in trauma, i denied..
but i think now i really am... anytime you hear this:
"bye bye", and it's one that speaks for the Last.
that's final, and no turning back, even if i wish to patch it.

The human heart is cruel. Time flies, and people die.
there's no better present to express Love than one who gives his time
to listen, to just be there, to be concerned, to cry along, to help laugh.
am i going to lose someone, again?

sorry, but i'm afraid i'm too scared to love already...
i ain't the same Loving person you all know years back, sorry...

2nd apologica,
ryth valliére

Aaaaaah!!! brain-chaos!

2009-06-07T12:31:00.006+08:00

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen~ xD

Marcus is home!!! he's back to KL! yays~ =D
wuuhoooooooo~~~ but going to Sweden on 24th July.. aih...
2 years travelling around already, not going away AGAIN! T-T~

ah Yap is coming back on 24th June! LOL~!
Finally, can meet him again!! this time he's staying..

Ben is going back to Canada soon.. 2nd of August fly...
must bring him to Genting before he leave! =x

haih~ got come back, got leave, all dates so near to each other..

brother & cousin wanted to watch a movie last night,
Night of Museum II again, i watch again, laugh again
OMG! it's SOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY.. xD ! i like Kahmunrah~ LOL!
so agitated when he tell Larry not to touch the hourglass.

hahahahaha~!~!~!!!~!!~!~!~!!!~!!!!

meeting Marcus in a while, go drink drink talk talk.. wahaha!

beloved brother...
beloved brother..
beloved brother.
beloved brother..
beloved brother...

baiie,
ryth

a night ago...

2009-05-31T12:49:00.012+08:00

was out with Evaline to 1-U after piano session..
i bought my things she bought hers..
and then we talked about Jonathan and my ex..

Evaline: so you didn't contacted him ever since?

jave: no... if he matters the Friendship, he would have called..

Evaline: maybe he feels guilty and don't dare to lehs?

... (then her friend came to fetch her..) ...

*sms-ed Evaline*

"don't dare to talk to me" after all that, expresses the handicapped degree of love he harbored for our friendship. if Love between us is true, it OVERCOMES fear.. despite fear, u brave facing the reality bcos that person is ur Friend.. one that u TRULY Loves & cherishes! what's with daring to hurt & don't dare to face? it just means u don't Love ur "Friend" enuf to patch things back, that u chose the easy and irresponsible way out; avoiding & ignoring..

*Evaline sms-replied*

Oh yea, clear. Haha. Hmmm. I know i know. Being Friend part of it is just bout being honest eh? :)

~ 愛しいだち, Shizuyuu,

you really exaggerated, a bit at least ...
HOW is him that 110% true of what you said. (~_~)'''
probably 70% is more accurate.. =/
since that extreme heartbreak months ago,
he said he'll ganbatte even more for this Dachifune,
well you know why - because he Loves 愛しいだち very much..
die die don't want let go.. LOL, so stubborn.

of course he's lucky to have met you too,
you just don't know how you've been of worth to him.
had it not been you, he wouldn't have liked other colours,
especially Black...
he would have been VERY bias without realising it..
he wouldn't have started to listen and like fast music,

he wouldn't have the inspiration to compose by far his most Love-filled music with a deep-feeling bridge, Hourglass. if not for you, he probably wouldn't know how to shut up and LISTEN to the unspoken cry from a person's heart.. you were the first most 与众不同 person he met over 2 years ago.. and since then it triggered his attention and curiosity wanting to know WHY & WHAT influences a person to become like how you were. because he couldn't understand why is it that a girl loves Black (usually a guy-colour in his past perception).. a girl that likes fast & catchy english music wasn't in the group of people he knew.. "alcoholic" chocolates? particularly 16 roses on a wish list? expressive, hardly schooling, and often at home?? he was just blown by all these traits about that one particular girl back then... who knows, his curiosity to understand more about her formed them a Friendship like no others, their ダチ船.

Overtime he realised he's more than lucky,
to have met her, a girl with passion..
99% committed & determined to her dreams..
honest to herself and thus to people around too..
cherishes meaningfulness, expressive yet conserved,
enthusiastic, strong because she has to,
one that understands how it feels to be hurt,
have faith in what she believes,
Loves people that matters to her..
does not easily get influenced & conform to peers,
more importantly..
a girl who respects Friendship & Relationship.

我终于都把这些话诚实的说出来了，你要确认自己。
嗯… 知道了，我已经开始更加照顾自己的健康了。

*smile* =D

Most Beloved Friend,
jave

someday, there's a Gud Baiie.

2009-05-29T13:21:00.006+08:00

you know "good bye" actually derived from "Good-by"? it is actually a good wish for a person leaving.

Certainly it expresses a certain degree of conformation to the fact that not every parting end up meeting again. So in some cases people say "see you", in hope to meet again...

i wish i could say, "i'm going home!" happily without any regret.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

she has probably thought of herself as being more stable and strong than she is. In fact, the one who gives up believing ought to know that she's weak herself too... it's FINE being weak, we just have to admit, because Friends do care...

Of course, there are things deemed to be impossible because of the undeniably SMALL chances it holds, we're not lying to ourselves about it, we didn't say: "Go die for it!" .. At least she believed knowing the little chances she had, and her Friend supported her knowing that she may very possibly fail & get hurt.. but he was ready to share that pain, ready to catch the fall. As she climbed that Mountain no one else could, he just promised her that he'll be watching from the mountain foot. He didn't promised a guaranteed success, he anticipated a very possible fall in fact...

but tell me... when a person is really trying VERY HARD for something he/she desires and strongly believes in, isn't it hard enough for that person to take up the fight alone? when everyone else say things like, maybe, "you're a loser.. get a life.. you'll just fail.. it's impossible.. you're dreaming.. etc..."

She has had enough discouragements all over, he don't have to add more...

so when she was extremely firm in her beliefs, he gave her his support; when she was uncertain, he didn't pushed her forward but instead offered her assurance of her ownself, so that she doesn't self-reproach; when she decided to hold her plans, he smiled and said, "okay. As long as you are comfortable and don't regret it.."

When he noticed her starting to hold back, he didn't encouraged her to go forward. he just didn't want her to regret her actions.. that's all..

Now she's NOT forsaking the belief, she just reconsidered things and took a more appropriate path for current self & situation. Still, she remembers and do wish to fulfill the least of that dream someday. but she, seemed to have totally thrown away her words, her promises, their shared emotions, everything in that "friendship" between them.

i understand the degree of truth behind the simplest words of gratitude you said, for that, Thank You too. Sometimes, being mean is just a form of psychological self-protection. Friends who know you believes you for WHO THEY KNOW YOU ARE!

many harsh things came by in recent months heh? "Good times there are, bad times too. But the Sun must set and the Night falls, or Tomorrow cannot come..." - ithiel

Take Good Care, 愛しいだち。

Last night, talked to Lin-En who's in California now..
we talked about two person who was once very close to me.
she asked, “你不恨他吗？他们这样对你…”

i replied, “不。我会经很生气，是非常的生气。可是我不恨他。叫我跟他做朋友，我会觉得很虚假…… 可是不做朋友，也不需要做敌人啊。我想…… 我可能是开始失去自信，不知该如何爱一个人…… ”

其实就算近日经历了不少的心碎，我有我感恩喜乐的地方；
感谢上帝赐我生命和机会在纽约认识了一斑「真」弟兄姐妹们。
虽然很久没见，大约两年了…
可是还紧紧的记得这位软弱又 disappointing 的弟兄。
他们都很爱我，经常想念我，也从来不止的关心我。
当然有伤心的，不是每一个都这么「朋友」。
真正的爱和想念我的，手指数得完。

我知道…… 可是还是要说，“谢谢。”

Friendship is fragile. be gentle with it, take good care of it, treat it delicately...
"a Friend Loves at ALL times, and a brother is born FOR adversity." - proverbs 17:17

"True Love melts the hardest of hearts and makes tears of the driest eyes." - ithiel

"Prosperity makes friends, Adversity tries them ... " - ithiel

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

anyway, following the video-recording of Futari No Koe, i notice that camera recording produces better sound quality than my louya old audio recorder. this is a re-dedication... "Black Rose", dedicated to 愛しいだち in year 2008, as the 2nd song after her birthday.

i think this recording of Black Rose is better than those before...
Next, probably Hourglass. If i manage to re-arrange & perfect it on piano.

i'm going to hospital next tuesday. And August too... :)

jack of all threads master of none,
ryth valliére

Futari No Koe draft recording

2009-05-27T08:05:00.006+08:00

video-recording of Futari No Koe ...

as usual, i'm never perfect in constant tempo,
Although some parts are intentional.

received very much valued comment from my cousin sister Joyi
and a rare grade of music-worth from my brother Ken...

and every single credit given to this piano piece,
i want to make clear that i hold them not to myself
but shared to my friend Evaline, who partly contributed.

the actual recording will be done at probably somewhere around the end of the year.

alrights, off to work!

jave @ singapore

Ohyaarshumeh!

2009-05-24T04:14:00.004+08:00

Night of the Museum 2 is farnies~x100, but...
Paul Blart the Mall Cop is even farnierz~x10000

the song Futari No Koe ～二人の声～ is finally COMPLETED..
Evaline contributed to the completion of the music..
hence the name, THX

People leave all the time, don't they...?
like counting sheep like that, 1 by 1 say baiie baiie...

Nighted.
jave

初雪の恋　・　はつゆきのこい

2009-05-23T00:57:00.016+08:00

Virgin Snow is a nice movie with a story that reminds me of someone.

It's romance anyway.

Lee Jun-ki & Miyazaki Aoi

it's kind of like the other movie "Friends",
but of course it's different...

The beginning of everything is often always the hardest, somehow it reminds me of some worthwhile memories i've long forgotten.

Sometimes we're just too busy in life that we forgot where we started from... and sometimes worse still, we don't even bother to remember.

最終で最後の約束をした。

初雪の恋　・　お終い～

power of words,
shinyou

IF... you meant me

2009-05-21T13:32:00.004+08:00

hasn't been good that night...
was quite emo that day...
and then i missed someone,
whom i have Loved and still Love.

Lost a lot recently, only one most cherished left...

so i missed. and was afraid at that same time...

days has been as always. Just afraid a gap may appear between us.
maybe it had. maybe it's natural.

two days ago, i read our past correspondences in friendster, since i lost all msn ones.
they were filled with so much emotions. some we might have even forgotten...

your Friend,
jave

Most Beloved ...

2009-05-16T03:53:00.023+08:00

[a replica. identicality. A test & computation]

my Friendship to you over these 2 years has always been Trust, Faith in the you i know.

it's not like we communicate as much as those 'bestfriends' out there, but to me it has always been felt DEEPER than such 'bestfriends' we see out there.

i understand from reading your blog, and respect your being occupied recently and time to come.

As it has always been, i'll be around & wait. you have all the morale support you need from me, whether or not you wished for it.

dear you,

Try to smile, even when times are harsh.

Love your family, they need you.

Take a rest when you're exhausted, sleep well & be healthy.

Have your meals, remember to drink.

Love yourself, because there are people who Loves you.

Do continue striving if you're uncertain, because giving-up can be done another time.

Do look back at times, not to reminiscence at what's lost but what you've cherished.

Keep what is worthwhile, forget not the hopes you once held.

Being able to sleep and open our eyes to see a new day, is a Miracle seen on every sunrise.

add me to the list of people who Loves you, because i do.. very much it was, and still is.

until the next time we meet, itoshii dachi,

jave

変わったの ... 生命。

my last post.

Loyalty becomes worthless...

别拿人的好当废草除！？ 要玩的，就确认自己玩得起！

my world is sinking...

何時も...

Nickleback - If Everyone Cared

どうしましたか。

Fish Story... =)

Chronicles of Kingdom Hearts Romance

PaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaRTNERs bliss~

half a year already and people are still expecting me to be who i was!

today i very happy =)

what more can i say?

they can tell this much with just a few questions... hahaha!

Kind and Gentle

i may fail my promises, if i give it to many... but ONE promise is not too hard to believe in myself that i CAN hold...?

愛しいだち、ありがとうございました。

remember it well...

i'm very tired.

how are you?

my last conscious as a Friend

in reply to your question, "human"...

爱不起。 一个人能活得更好。

How you handle your relationships determines how much you value a person.

i'm ugly-bug =D

Promises are meant to be kept

Are the words untrue? yet... i've decided to keep my faith.

There are just some things you cannot "push" you know...?

kokoro ga itai...!

20th July 2009, the day it started.

it was Chance, and Chance, and Chance AGAIN!

his name is Nefon.

sorry doesn't save at all

有点怕

静優

aaaaahahahahahahahaha! NICE-ness! IMBA~

he's a "reject"

the eve of a return

too busy? LOL

Neuphire, Kanzenlegend

Love is how much we give of ourselves, especially our time.

Love & heartaches come in a package.

words of a time

i'm so blind.

haha...

Bonds - contradictions, beliefs, confusion

starting to know more

deep in thoughts

NEOPHILIA

i can't help feeling a pinch in heart when i read that.

Aaaaaah!!! brain-chaos!

a night ago...

someday, there's a Gud Baiie.

Futari No Koe draft recording

Ohyaarshumeh!

初雪の恋 ・ はつゆきのこい

IF... you meant me

Most Beloved ...

别拿人的好当废草除！？要玩的，就确认自己玩得起！

爱不起。一个人能活得更好。

初雪の恋　・　はつゆきのこい